Mono

I’ve been off for a week now, and it’s all because I caught a sickness that I’m too old for. The blood work my doctor ordered tested me positive for Mono, an illness that usually affects teen and some younger adults. It’s kind of like the flu, but it also leaves you extremely tired all the time. I haven’t slept so much since I was a teenager (10 hours at night, plus naps during the day), but I wish I could say it was a quality sleep. It’s very disjointed, which you would think would be otherwise. Originally I was hoping to go back to work today, but here I am again, stuck at home, run down.

I feel very frustrated about all this. Actually I feel rather angry about the whole thing. At first it was kinda funny, having what I guess they call the “gross kissing disease” (teens get it from – you guessed it – kissing). But now I feel so frustrated; I’m sick of being tired, and I want so badly to be at work but I’m so drained of energy. I have no idea how I got it and Angel, who is the only one I kiss, doesn’t have it. So for the past week I’ve been staying at home, by myself, tired and bored out of my mind. I’ve watched movies, done some schoolwork (not much to be honest), taken naps, called a few people on the phone and been on Facebook checking for messages that have become a sort of emotional lifeline.

I’ve done a few outings here & there with Angel, including going to church and having supper with Niels & Janice. This has helped my spirits a bit, being with people, but right now I’m feeling as low on emotional energy as I am physically. I feel like I have no control, and I badly want to get back to normal. But apparently Mono in adults can take quite a while to get over, and the thought of spending weeks if not months like this is very unappealing (yes that’s right, Mono can take months to recover from). It doesn’t help that my family doctor’s away this week, so after Angel gets home today I’ll have her take me to the walk-in clinic to get another assessment. Maybe they can get the results from the second batch of blood tests I had to get, and then from there figure out how long this will last. I wish I had something cheery and uplifting to write about, but right now not much is bright and cheery for me…

Blessings

Well, I’m off for a few days thanks to doctor’s orders. I apparently have some sort of virus that has given me, among other delightful symptoms, a rash that covers my whole body. So now that I have some time on my hands I thought I’d catch up on my blogging. I usually think about what I want to write over a few days, and during that time things happen that in the end make the finished product different than what I envisioned it to be. So, here’s my latest finished product…

Last week we got to visit with Colin, Galya and their son Joshua who are all here in Canada for a visit. If you remember they are the good friends we visited in the UK last year. We had them over for supper on Monday and were so excited to show them our new home, which they had only seen on the video we shot for them last year. Considering that they had a hand in helping us find a home in the first place (click here to read the story) their visit was worth being excited over. We even popped the cork on a bottle of “Mead” (beer brewed from honey – it’s an old Viking drink) we had been saving for a special occasion, and this occasion seemed to be as special as any other. It was so good to see our friends in our home, and to be able to share our time together again.

The sharing continued on Thursday when we went over to David & Julie’s for a movie night. David & Julie are also good friends of ours, and years ago the six of us would do movie nights, loaded up with Coke & Hint of Lime chips, and stay up til 1 AM talking and praying for each other. Over time others (like Nathan & Dawn) were added to the group, and it became for me (and hopefully others) a very special time in my life. So it seemed fitting that we had movie night once again. We talked, laughed and teased each other (“Shh!! Quiet!! Colin can’t hear the movie!!!) like we used to when we were all together. It was so good to get the old gang together again, and we’ll have a repeat gathering (hopefully) when Nathan & Dawn are here in May/June.

Of course I’d be negligent if I didn’t mention our wedding anniversary. Once again Angel & I made a pilgrimage to Jasper; this time, courtesy of some travel points we had accumulated we could stay for 2 nights and we only paid $68 for our room. The weather was cold and there was lots of snow on the ground, plus we were both fighting a bug (mine has obviously gotten worse if I’m sporting a cool body rash!). Aside from those detractors we enjoyed our stay there – at least it was better there than in many other parts of Alberta, which got hit with several days’ worth of snow. And it’s still coming down from the sky…

…which brings me to today. When I got home from the doctor I decided to call an old friend of mine I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He had been on my mind for some time and I thought since I had the time I’d pick up the phone. Well, it turns out that my friend had been going through a rough patch lately; so rough in fact he was thinking about giving up his faith in Jesus altogether. He told me the timing of my call was uncanny, as he had been asking God why he had suffered so much in life (believe me if you knew my friend you’d understand why he’d ask that), wrestled with some very unhealthy thoughts and had asked God if these thoughts were from Him or not.

It was a “divine appointment” where I could speak into my friend’s life (which he really found helpful) and share from my own experience what God had shown me. To my surprise I began to cry as I shared with him what I had learned; for some reason, in spite of being well acquainted with his struggles, his plight had today touched me deeply. I said what he was thinking was not of God and that I too have asked why God allowed me to suffer, albeit not nearly to the same degree as my friend had. I had no answer to the question of “Why?” but I did find the answer to an even bigger question we ask when we suffer: Is God good? I found that the answer was yes because in the pain I experienced grace, and it was through the relationships I had with others – people like my movie night friends. I experienced in them what God says in his Word, “The Lord is for me among those who help me” – Psalm 118:7 (NASB)

The events of the past week have been a reminder of how rich God’s blessings are. Life, like my blog posts, never turn out the way I expected them. They can be filled with pain and uncomfortable circumstances, but God is there even when we don’t recognize Him. I used to wish sometimes that my life had unfolded differently than it has; that the choices I made or were made for me were not what they had been. But even though life is harder than I thought it would be, I find at times that it’s even better than what I imagined. And all because of the blessings that God has given to me.

The Road Trip

This evening Angel & I just got back from a road trip that was unplanned but not unexpected, as last week Angel’s grandma passed away. This was Angel’s last living grandparent, and she keenly felt the loss. So lat Saturday we packed the car and made the 10 hour drive to Revelstoke. If there was one thing that was a blessing out of all this it was being in the mountains; they’re majestic and taking in the awe inspiring scenery is good for the soul. Besides taking in the view and listening to music in the car, we spend the hours talking about “stuff”. Now when you have a loss like the one Angel had and put it with lots of time together in an enclosed space, lots of stuff comes up in conversation.

We first talked about a friend of mine I’m hoping to see in the near future, one whom I had a falling out with about six months ago. It all took place online, and even though it was patched up, it was done online and I still felt pain over what had happened. So I e-mailed her and asked if I could come and see her, as I wanted to talk in person about what had happened and apologize for what I had done to hurt her. She agreed but I’m still waiting to hear back on when this will all take place. So as Angel & I talked about this the conversation broadened into friendships in general, and how God is bringing me into a new season of healing.

Years ago I went through a process of connecting emotionally with God as my Father, and now I’m learning what it is to be the friend of God – that God not only loves me but he actually likes me. And just as our experiences with our earthly fathers shape how we see God as Father so too does our friendships affect the way we see God as our friend. I recognize that my reconciling with my friend is a part of that process, but it’s still risky because our friends aren’t always there for us (and neither am I). Somehow God wants to express His heart for me through my friends, which for various reasons isn’t easy for me to receive.

As we got closer to Revelstoke the focus changed to the reason why we came, and the losses that Angel felt both recent and past. Like me Angel has experienced a lot of pain in life, which is one of the reasons we were drawn to each other so many years before. It’s not my place here to discuss the details of her stuff, but let’s just say we both struggle with our relationships and a sense of belonging. It’s nothing we haven’t talked about before, but on this occasion we both sensed God bringing into focus some of our stuff and giving us some strategies on how to deal with it all. We ended up pulling over to the side of the road and spent time in prayer and confession over these things, and as we made the final leg of the journey we played worship music and poured out our hearts to God who loves us and cares for us.

It’s remarkable how God can take a loss, like the passing of Angel’s grandma, and use it as a time of healing and molding us in Christ-like character. It was an experience we both got to share together, one that drew us closer together. I’d rather skip the unpleasantness that’s always needed to bring us to places of further healing, but we can say that it was worth it. Our next road trip will be a joyous one and is only a few weeks away, as we are spending our anniversary again in Jasper. Who knows where that one will take us in our relationship with God and each other…