Matched!

Last night around 6:30 the doorbell rang; to our surprise it was our placement worker standing on our step. We knew that the meeting to decide who gets matched with our prospective lead was today, but we didn't expect a personal visit from Sharon. As we sat down I steeled myself for bad news, but instead we heard, "Congratulations, you have been officially matched." We were elated! Sharon filled us in on how the decision was made: nine families in total were in the running, which were narrowed down until the unanimous decision was made that we were the strongest candidates. According to Sharon, our strengths outweighed the strengths of the eight other families put together! Now this isn't a reflection on just us, but also on our extended family too. Things like our faith, our interests, people skills and that we have no children all factored into the decision, but also the fact that she would have cousins around her age, along with lots of other adoptive relatives, apparently made us the best choice. After we were given the scoop on how the decision was made we got down to some history of this little girl.

Her name is Jessica. Jessica has, shall we say, a troubled past. It's not appropriate to go into the details here but suffice to say there has been trauma in her life. As Sharon informed us of Jessica's issues my heart broke for this little girl, who we haven't even met or seen a picture. She faces some challenges but she also has much going for her. Jessica is very level headed for just being 10 years old; she has an interest in music, loves camping and, in spite of everything she's gone through, wants to belong to a family. Sharon then talked a bit about the next step. She would change Jessica's placement status a being "on hold", which means that no one else gets a shot at becoming her parents. While Jessica is on hold we meet with her foster parents, teachers and other professionals who work with her. This is the information gathering phase, where we get into all the nitty-gritty details about Jessica. This is so that we get all the facts together about her needs and supports, then we weigh all that information before deciding whether we want to adopt Jessica or not.

Honestly, for both me and Angel this has gone past the make-up-our-mind stage. We can't imagine what would come up that would make us think twice about adopting Jessica. In our hearts we feel this is the one God is guiding us to. The more we learn about her the more we see what a good fit this is. But we do realize that we can't rush headlong into this, and that nothing is set in stone. Only time will tell if we are meant to be Jessica's parents, and we won't base our decision on either the excitement or fear that we feel. I say fear because after the initial jubilation came this foreboding sense of disaster - what if we make the wrong choice? What if we screw up as parents? What if she grows up to become a dysfunctional adult? Can we afford the cost of parenthood? All these worst case scenarios come up, but as I said to Angel as we were digesting the news that I'm tired of letting fear hold me back from life.

One concern that is more rational is the issue of my heart. It's been a week since I was in the hospital and, aside from a dull ache and some funny twinges I feel fine. I got a call from the Royal Alexandra Hospital for a 7am appointment in early October; they want me to wear a heart monitor for the day, but apparently that's just a routine thing. I haven't heard back from anyone yet about the echo cardiogram, so maybe no news is good news. Until we know if this is going to be an issue or not we're moving forward with the adoption process, and if I do have a problem with my heart then we'll deal with it as it comes. Health does factor into things here, but we have to trust that God is good and that He is working out things for His purposes. Just as Abraham had to lay Issac on the altar, so too do we have to lay Jessica before the Lord and say, "God this child is yours to do with as you please. Whether we get to be Jessica's parents or not you are looking out for her."