One week to go

It's hard to believe, but we are counting down the last seven days until we become full time parents. I think back to the beginning of this month, and how the scared little girl we first met has come out of her shell. It was quite evident this weekend how far Jess has come, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Last Saturday Jess came for an all-day visit here. I was working a 12 hour shift that day, so it was a mother-daughter bonding experience for Angel & Jess. They baked cookies, did some window shopping, watched a movie and Jess played on the Wii by herself. Angel was a little apprehensive about spending a whole day with just Jessica, but overall things went well. On Sunday we both arrived at the foster-home to pick up Jess for church, and we had things planned a bit better than last week. We timed it so that we arrived 1/2 hour late, which by then first music set was done and announcements were being made before Sunday school dismissal.

Jess asked if I could come down with her, and I got to see first hand how well she took to open session and her class. She was interactive and looked comfortable, but we didn't push our luck so as soon as Sunday school was done we were right out the door. "Don't look so happy," someone said with a knowing grin on his face as we were on our way. Thankfully people are still understanding of Jess' situation and are mindful to give us our space. However one lady said to us as we were outside, "So when do you get to show her off to the whole church?" While we appreciated the excitement and anticipation behind the question we said it would still be a while yet before we would start making introductions. Jess said afterward that she felt a lot better than she did the prior Sunday, but for now we'll continue to come late until she's comfortable with Calvary. After lunch we went swimming, which was another big hit for our little miss, and then back to the foster-home after supper.

This past week was the start of Jess' home-visits, where we would pick her up after school, take her to our place for supper, homework and some fun stuff before going back for the night. It was a real drag to have to take her back to Brigitte's, but the visits were building up towards the first sleep-over on Friday. During the week we saw some encouraging signs that Jess was finally starting to warm to us. On Wednesday we went to her parent-teacher-student interviews, where Jess excitedly introduced us to her friends as her new adoptive parents. But it was in the car on the way back to the foster-home where she started to share some of her fond memories of her birth mom, of songs she would sing and stories she would read. As we listened to Jess the significance of the moment was not lost on us: she trusted us enough to be open with us, even just a little. The sharing continued on Thursday, where she talked a little about her step-dad as well as what she thought it takes to be a good parent. Out of that conversation came some not-so plesant memories from her, and again it was not lost on us that she was being vulnerable.

Finally, the big day arrived - the Friday night sleep-over. I picked her up from school and then we went to get Angel from work. While we waited Jess shared with me some of her memories from past foster-homes, and some more stuff about her step-dad. After Angel finished work it was back to our place for some home-made pizza and a movie night. "Grease" was the movie Jess chose (a film I would normally not expose a 10 year old to), but during the movie she shared with us how this was a family favorite she would watch with her birth-mom and step-dad, and I realized she was making a connection with her past as she was adjusting to life with us. Thankfully she found the kissing and other stuff gross...

The next day we woke up and had breakfast as a family, and then we all put up the Christmas tree. As Angel & Jess decorated I snapped a few pictures; too bad I didn't think of that earlier as Jessica bounced around and played air-guitar to Relient K's version of the Twelve Days of Christmas! Afterward we hit a few stores for some Christmas shopping, bought Jess a new winter coat & boots and then we went back home again. That afternoon we sat down together and we came up with a list of house rules and consequences we all agreed on, as well as writing out what it takes to be a good parent. By involving Jess in this process we wanted to give her a sense of empowerment while at the same time establishing our roles and responsibilities as her new mom & dad. Then after homework, supper, a family devotional time and playing some Wii it was time to go back to the foster-home. We didn't want to take her back and she didn't want to go, but knowing that we have one week to go before move-in gives us all something to look forward to.

Oh, and one more sign that she's warming to us - when we said goodbye we didn't even have to ask for a hug. She just lifted her arms and walked right to us :)