Wow, what a week this has been. Lots of big stuff came down the pipe in the last seven days and all of it good. It seemed fitting that the sermon in church today was about it being better to give than receive, but for me there was one catch: lots of people have been giving while I've been at the receiving end. It all started on Monday, which was my 18th wedding anniversary. Angel & I had made big plans to go grocery shopping and catch CSI:Miami on the TV; it wasn't so much that we became an old married couple but that we didn't have the money to go out that night. Well, first thing Monday morning as I pull my bus into the Robin Hood Learning Centre to unload my passengers one of the day program staff climbed aboard. "I just wanted you to know that last Friday you really made my day, so here's a little something for you." My co-worker was referring to the coffee I brought in for her & someone else on my day off. So I was a little taken aback when I saw her give me a $25 gift card for Earl's restaurant. So that plus a 2 for 1 movie admission we had been saving changed our plans and made for one of the most memorable (and spontaneous) anniversaries we've ever had. If you're reading this you know who you are, and so once again we are so grateful for your kindness and generosity.
Fast forward to last Friday; Angel & I drove down to Three Hills for my convocation at PBI. Yup, after all these years I finally graduate from Prairie Bible College. I have to clarify here that while I got to wear the funny hat & robe in April my graduation date isn't until December. However since I'm just a few credits shy of my degree they let me participate in the ceremony this spring. In spite of having never met any of my fellow graduates before the rehearsal I quickly made friends with a couple of my "classmates", who were in disbelief that I did the entire program by distance education. After the practice run I received word that the dean of the distance education program wanted to see me in his office, where I received from him a set of books as a gift for my graduation. And if that wasn't enough they threw in a couple of free Prairie t-shirts when I mentioned I wanted to buy some while I was there.
I was so glad that a few members of my family were able to come to my grad, as my parents, my mom-in-law and my older brother Steen were able to make it down. The ceremony was long (and hot as I cooked in my gown for over 2 hours) but the feelings of pride and accomplishment were well worth it (you can click here to see some photos of the commencement). Afterwards we drove back to Edmonton where we met up with other family members at The Old Spaghetti Factory in West Edmonton Mall. Once again came the giving and receiving, as we had our portion of the tab paid for by family plus receiving a gift card. And if that wasn't enough someone in church today gave me a congratulations card with a $50 gift card for East Side Mario's.
So why am I spouting off about all this stuff that was given to me? It's because it's so hard for me to receive. And it's not just the material stuff but the relational stuff that comes with it. The very act of going to convocation was an exercise in receiving, as I wasn't sure if I wanted to commemorate my finishing school. But, as someone in church said to me this morning, convocation is an act of blessing. So many people have been cheering us on lately; first with being recommended as adoptive parents, the warm well-wishes for our 18th anniversary and now my grad. Honestly, it's been great but overwhelming too. I'm not used to so much blessing in such a short period of time. I can't help but think if this is a God thing, considering how much I've been questioning His involvement in my life lately. But I'm a relational kind of person who responds to tangible acts of kindness; it's my "love language" that I speak with and listen for. Maybe God's trying to say something to me. Maybe He's been speaking for a while, and I just haven't been listening well enough...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Naked Anthropology
I'm in the home stretch with the last few courses of my degree. The light's finally at the end of the tunnel! The latest course which I'm just finishing up is on Cultural Anthropology, and it's been one of the most interesting courses I've enjoyed taking. Anthropology, if you were wondering, is simply the study of humanity. It's a broad field of study with many sub-fields. Anthropologists study human development, and covers areas like linguistics, archeology and paleontology (the study of people's physical development). But the biggest sub-field is the study of human culture, which is what I've been learning. And learn I did! My eyes were opened in a lot of ways. I'd like to share with you what I saw.
I think the biggest thing I learned is how different and even unbiblical our way of life is in comparison to the rest of the world. While we in the west look at things from a rational, material and individualistic perspective most of the world does not. Life for most people on the planet is about family, kinship, reciprocity and stopping to smell the roses. While we're busy making money and hiding away in our homes most people on earth are busy taking care of others, finding meaning and being relational. Time for us westerners is a precious commodity that dare not be wasted; everyone else sees time as the place where life happens. Life for most is all about the journey, whereas westerners live for the destination.
What I also realized is how much my worldview shapes the way I see things. I knew beforehand that we see life not for what it is, but for who we are; how deep that went was something I wasn't aware of. Case in point: one of my assignments was to interview a friend about any topic he chose to talk about. The aim was to find out as much about that topic in an unbiased way, but in the end I unknowingly had steered the conversation in a direction he hadn't originally intended. The topic stayed the same but the context of the conversation was different than what he planned to talk about. The whole experience has made me second guess my perspectives until I realized that what I knew about life wasn't necessarily wrong, it was just incomplete.
One of the suggested readings in the course was "The Naked Anthropologist"; this was a collection of humorous stories about an Anthropologist who experienced the hazards of adapting to new cultures. Here's an example of what not to do: don't give the OK sign to someone in South America. To them you have just given them the finger! I guess we all do naked anthropology; we're all stumbling through life trying to relate to a world we don't understand. It's easier to say that the world should be like we want it to be instead of appreciating our differences. I'm not saying that everything is relative, but that I've learned to ask more questions and not be so hasty to jump to conclusions. I hope it's a lesson I'll carry with me through the rest of my life.
I think the biggest thing I learned is how different and even unbiblical our way of life is in comparison to the rest of the world. While we in the west look at things from a rational, material and individualistic perspective most of the world does not. Life for most people on the planet is about family, kinship, reciprocity and stopping to smell the roses. While we're busy making money and hiding away in our homes most people on earth are busy taking care of others, finding meaning and being relational. Time for us westerners is a precious commodity that dare not be wasted; everyone else sees time as the place where life happens. Life for most is all about the journey, whereas westerners live for the destination.
What I also realized is how much my worldview shapes the way I see things. I knew beforehand that we see life not for what it is, but for who we are; how deep that went was something I wasn't aware of. Case in point: one of my assignments was to interview a friend about any topic he chose to talk about. The aim was to find out as much about that topic in an unbiased way, but in the end I unknowingly had steered the conversation in a direction he hadn't originally intended. The topic stayed the same but the context of the conversation was different than what he planned to talk about. The whole experience has made me second guess my perspectives until I realized that what I knew about life wasn't necessarily wrong, it was just incomplete.
One of the suggested readings in the course was "The Naked Anthropologist"; this was a collection of humorous stories about an Anthropologist who experienced the hazards of adapting to new cultures. Here's an example of what not to do: don't give the OK sign to someone in South America. To them you have just given them the finger! I guess we all do naked anthropology; we're all stumbling through life trying to relate to a world we don't understand. It's easier to say that the world should be like we want it to be instead of appreciating our differences. I'm not saying that everything is relative, but that I've learned to ask more questions and not be so hasty to jump to conclusions. I hope it's a lesson I'll carry with me through the rest of my life.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Pregnant with possibility
It's not official, but it looks like a done deal: Angel & I are going to be adoptive parents! Our last meeting with our assessment writer was on Thursday, when she told us that she would recommend us. The home assessment was the final hurtle in the application process, where we were asked tons of questions. They start off pretty typical like, "Why do you want to adopt?" but then things get more personal. Were you ever fired? Have you or anyone else in your home been assaulted? How satisfying is your sex life? Have you ever been treated for mental illness? The questions are, perhaps, intrusive but they want to get an idea of who you are, what your baggage is and how well you handled it. Once they let you leave the dark room with the bright light on your face the home assessment report is written, which won't be submitted until we get a chance to look at it and make any changes we feel are needed. Then it gets sent to the government for final approval. This will take 1-2 months so we won't get final confirmation back until mid-June at the latest. So I guess you can say this is like the time in between the home pregnancy test getting peed on, finding out you're positive, and the appointment with your family doctor...
So what happens next? Are you getting a baby? When do you expect to become parents? We get alot of these questions so it's just easier to post all the answers online. First off, I want a girl and Angel wants a boy, but it really doesn't matter either way. We want an older child that's in the age range between my younger brother's son and Angel's brother's daughter, which is about 5-8 years old. We've asked for either a Caucasian or Metis child, as we feel that this will minimize any physical differences and make us look like a more "normal" family. While we are open to a number certain emotional, cognitive and physical challenges our child may have we draw the line at certain points. We aren't able to care for a child with mobility issues because of our living space and we won't take a child with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum. I know it sounds terrible to say, and a part of me feels guilty for making these distinctions, but they encourage you to be honest with what you & your spouse think you can handle.
Every child in the foster care system will have some sort of "special needs", be it emotional, cognitive, psychological, physical or behavioral. Many of the children in the system have likely been exposed prenatally to alcohol, even if there's no formal diagnosis. There's no perfect child out there (whatever "perfect" means) and we've been told to expect some difficulties. There will be the stages of adjustment once we get a placement: the honeymoon, followed by a grieving process of anger, control, depression and ambivalence before accepting the new family dynamic. Oh, and this is something that parents and child will go through together. That's why it takes time to go through the application process, as they want to set up parents and children for success. Once we get a match there's an initial visit, followed by some group activities with the child and foster parents. Eventually you get to spend some time with just the child and finally the placement, where the child moves in. Six months to a year later the adoption is made legal and you officially become a family. So you have plenty of time to decide if this is what you want, and not just for the parents only. The child has to be a willing partner in all this too, or obviously the match will fail!
Placements are seamless and never around Christmas or the child's birthday. Instead they happen between school breaks like spring or summer time. So while we may get a match this year it's unlikely that a placement will happen until next year, at the earliest. This suits us fine, as we're still settling into the idea that we will some day become parents. It's an exciting time for us but scary also. You ask yourself if you'll be a good enough parent for a adopted child. I think of how our child will have to deal not only with the mistakes their biological parents made, but with the mistakes that I will make too. I have enough issues that I'm working out with God; how on earth will I help our child in theirs? As uncertain as I am about my parenting abilities I am grateful for the support that's out there, both from Family Services and, more importantly, our friends and family. We'll need all the help we can get as we work to give a good home to a child who may at this very moment, as I type this, be out there wishing for a mom and dad.
Maybe even praying it too.
So what happens next? Are you getting a baby? When do you expect to become parents? We get alot of these questions so it's just easier to post all the answers online. First off, I want a girl and Angel wants a boy, but it really doesn't matter either way. We want an older child that's in the age range between my younger brother's son and Angel's brother's daughter, which is about 5-8 years old. We've asked for either a Caucasian or Metis child, as we feel that this will minimize any physical differences and make us look like a more "normal" family. While we are open to a number certain emotional, cognitive and physical challenges our child may have we draw the line at certain points. We aren't able to care for a child with mobility issues because of our living space and we won't take a child with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum. I know it sounds terrible to say, and a part of me feels guilty for making these distinctions, but they encourage you to be honest with what you & your spouse think you can handle.
Every child in the foster care system will have some sort of "special needs", be it emotional, cognitive, psychological, physical or behavioral. Many of the children in the system have likely been exposed prenatally to alcohol, even if there's no formal diagnosis. There's no perfect child out there (whatever "perfect" means) and we've been told to expect some difficulties. There will be the stages of adjustment once we get a placement: the honeymoon, followed by a grieving process of anger, control, depression and ambivalence before accepting the new family dynamic. Oh, and this is something that parents and child will go through together. That's why it takes time to go through the application process, as they want to set up parents and children for success. Once we get a match there's an initial visit, followed by some group activities with the child and foster parents. Eventually you get to spend some time with just the child and finally the placement, where the child moves in. Six months to a year later the adoption is made legal and you officially become a family. So you have plenty of time to decide if this is what you want, and not just for the parents only. The child has to be a willing partner in all this too, or obviously the match will fail!
Placements are seamless and never around Christmas or the child's birthday. Instead they happen between school breaks like spring or summer time. So while we may get a match this year it's unlikely that a placement will happen until next year, at the earliest. This suits us fine, as we're still settling into the idea that we will some day become parents. It's an exciting time for us but scary also. You ask yourself if you'll be a good enough parent for a adopted child. I think of how our child will have to deal not only with the mistakes their biological parents made, but with the mistakes that I will make too. I have enough issues that I'm working out with God; how on earth will I help our child in theirs? As uncertain as I am about my parenting abilities I am grateful for the support that's out there, both from Family Services and, more importantly, our friends and family. We'll need all the help we can get as we work to give a good home to a child who may at this very moment, as I type this, be out there wishing for a mom and dad.
Maybe even praying it too.
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