Last night around 6:30 the doorbell rang; to our surprise it was our placement worker standing on our step. We knew that the meeting to decide who gets matched with our prospective lead was today, but we didn't expect a personal visit from Sharon. As we sat down I steeled myself for bad news, but instead we heard, "Congratulations, you have been officially matched." We were elated! Sharon filled us in on how the decision was made: nine families in total were in the running, which were narrowed down until the unanimous decision was made that we were the strongest candidates. According to Sharon, our strengths outweighed the strengths of the eight other families put together! Now this isn't a reflection on just us, but also on our extended family too. Things like our faith, our interests, people skills and that we have no children all factored into the decision, but also the fact that she would have cousins around her age, along with lots of other adoptive relatives, apparently made us the best choice. After we were given the scoop on how the decision was made we got down to some history of this little girl.
Her name is Jessica. Jessica has, shall we say, a troubled past. It's not appropriate to go into the details here but suffice to say there has been trauma in her life. As Sharon informed us of Jessica's issues my heart broke for this little girl, who we haven't even met or seen a picture. She faces some challenges but she also has much going for her. Jessica is very level headed for just being 10 years old; she has an interest in music, loves camping and, in spite of everything she's gone through, wants to belong to a family. Sharon then talked a bit about the next step. She would change Jessica's placement status a being "on hold", which means that no one else gets a shot at becoming her parents. While Jessica is on hold we meet with her foster parents, teachers and other professionals who work with her. This is the information gathering phase, where we get into all the nitty-gritty details about Jessica. This is so that we get all the facts together about her needs and supports, then we weigh all that information before deciding whether we want to adopt Jessica or not.
Honestly, for both me and Angel this has gone past the make-up-our-mind stage. We can't imagine what would come up that would make us think twice about adopting Jessica. In our hearts we feel this is the one God is guiding us to. The more we learn about her the more we see what a good fit this is. But we do realize that we can't rush headlong into this, and that nothing is set in stone. Only time will tell if we are meant to be Jessica's parents, and we won't base our decision on either the excitement or fear that we feel. I say fear because after the initial jubilation came this foreboding sense of disaster - what if we make the wrong choice? What if we screw up as parents? What if she grows up to become a dysfunctional adult? Can we afford the cost of parenthood? All these worst case scenarios come up, but as I said to Angel as we were digesting the news that I'm tired of letting fear hold me back from life.
One concern that is more rational is the issue of my heart. It's been a week since I was in the hospital and, aside from a dull ache and some funny twinges I feel fine. I got a call from the Royal Alexandra Hospital for a 7am appointment in early October; they want me to wear a heart monitor for the day, but apparently that's just a routine thing. I haven't heard back from anyone yet about the echo cardiogram, so maybe no news is good news. Until we know if this is going to be an issue or not we're moving forward with the adoption process, and if I do have a problem with my heart then we'll deal with it as it comes. Health does factor into things here, but we have to trust that God is good and that He is working out things for His purposes. Just as Abraham had to lay Issac on the altar, so too do we have to lay Jessica before the Lord and say, "God this child is yours to do with as you please. Whether we get to be Jessica's parents or not you are looking out for her."
Friday, September 25, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Matters of the heart
Life is all about the heart. It's that subjective place in your psyche where thought, emotion and intuition all come together, and when things don't make sense in your head they say go with your gut, or follow your heart. Following our hearts has been the order of the week, as we had our second meeting with Sharon, our adoption placement worker. She brought with her some information on a lead she found for us. Now I'm not going to publish particulars here, as the information is personal and we don't know how things will unfold. We do have a name, and we know it's a girl who turned 10 recently. She lives with a foster family right here in Edmonton and we have been made aware of her issues, needs and some family background. Sharon said that this "felt" like a good match for us, and the chances of a placement were good even though there were 8 other families out there who were matched to this girl. Next week is the placement meeting, where a committee decides who should be matched with this girl. If it's us then then next step is to meet with her foster parents and the professionals who work with her, and only then can we make an informed, formal decision about becoming her parents.
In our hearts we feel this is the one. The word I would use to describe the profile compatibility is uncanny; actually a better one would be divine. But all the same we don't want to get too excited as we don't know for a fact that this is the one. The most exciting thing about this potential match is that she has a Christian background and wants to get baptized! Now here's the scary part; if we are selected and we decide to be her placement home, things will move quickly. We're talking about a time table of weeks, not months. There are certain factors behind this, and as such the "seamless" placement process they told us about won't apply here. So potentially we could be parents by Christmas. When I heard this my eyes went buggy and all I could say was "Whoa..." Suddenly the thought of becoming a dad so soon made me think about getting stuff done, like finishing my degree. And what about the renos we were in the middle of? Pressure, pressure!
Now, I don't know if that factored into things here, but I did go through another episode of the heart. This time I'm talking about that muscle in your chest that pumps blood through your body. Wednesday night around midnight I woke up because my heart felt like it was racing and fluttering, which was rather uncomfortable to say the least. I lay in bed for about 10 minutes and then woke Angel up to tell her what's going on. She drove me to emergency where they hooked me up to an EKG machine, and the nurse who's looking at my readings says I have an irregular heart beat (No kidding I think to myself, I got a front row seat to this show!). The doctor comes in after looking at my readings and tells me I have Atrial Fibrillation, which basically means that the electrical impulses in my heart were going haywire. This causes build-up of fluid in the sac around your heart and can potentially cause a stroke. Not cool! Apparently I was an uncommon patient as they said I was really young to be having this sort of thing.
So they started an I.V. and they administered a drug to slow my heart rate down, which was up to 150 beats per minute. Then they started me on another I.V. drug that would bring my heart beat back to a normal rhythm. Now if that didn't do the trick by the time it took to administer this drug (1 hour) they were going to knock me out & take the paddles to me. Fortunately it didn't get to that as my heart rhythm finally returned to normal. So that, plus blood work, chest x-rays and an 8 hour stay in emerg later we were finally home again for some well deserved sleep. They told us to expect a call from a heart specialist to follow up; well three hours later the phone wakes us up, and it's the cardiologist office telling me my appointment is for Friday (today) at 1pm. Now if you know anything about the Canadian health care system you expect wait times, so we were very surprised that I got in so quickly. They did a stress test (which showed normal) and an echo cardiogram, which I won't get the results back till next week. I swear I saw a baby's head on the ultrasound monitor... If I did, the technician said, I was in really big trouble.
So lots of excitement this week. Too much if you ask me! But I learned I have to take care of my heart, and I don't just mean the daily aspirin I have to take for life now. I have to trust God with everything that went on. I have to trust that God will provide a child for us, whether it's this girl or not. I have to trust that God will take care of my health and that this heart thing won't screw up our becoming parents. It was tempting to tell God, as I was laying in emerg, that once again He was "screwing" with my life. What if I become sick and they won't let us adopt because my health is failing? It all boils down to one simple question: Do I believe God is good, and has our best intentions for us? But I resolved to trust that Father knows what He's doing, and that He'll take care of things. Maybe the afib was a test, I don't know. The doctors don't seem to know what caused my heart to go haywire either. But God does, and He works all things for the good of those who love Him. As far as He's concerned these are all matters of the heart, and in the end that's all He's after.
In our hearts we feel this is the one. The word I would use to describe the profile compatibility is uncanny; actually a better one would be divine. But all the same we don't want to get too excited as we don't know for a fact that this is the one. The most exciting thing about this potential match is that she has a Christian background and wants to get baptized! Now here's the scary part; if we are selected and we decide to be her placement home, things will move quickly. We're talking about a time table of weeks, not months. There are certain factors behind this, and as such the "seamless" placement process they told us about won't apply here. So potentially we could be parents by Christmas. When I heard this my eyes went buggy and all I could say was "Whoa..." Suddenly the thought of becoming a dad so soon made me think about getting stuff done, like finishing my degree. And what about the renos we were in the middle of? Pressure, pressure!
Now, I don't know if that factored into things here, but I did go through another episode of the heart. This time I'm talking about that muscle in your chest that pumps blood through your body. Wednesday night around midnight I woke up because my heart felt like it was racing and fluttering, which was rather uncomfortable to say the least. I lay in bed for about 10 minutes and then woke Angel up to tell her what's going on. She drove me to emergency where they hooked me up to an EKG machine, and the nurse who's looking at my readings says I have an irregular heart beat (No kidding I think to myself, I got a front row seat to this show!). The doctor comes in after looking at my readings and tells me I have Atrial Fibrillation, which basically means that the electrical impulses in my heart were going haywire. This causes build-up of fluid in the sac around your heart and can potentially cause a stroke. Not cool! Apparently I was an uncommon patient as they said I was really young to be having this sort of thing.
So they started an I.V. and they administered a drug to slow my heart rate down, which was up to 150 beats per minute. Then they started me on another I.V. drug that would bring my heart beat back to a normal rhythm. Now if that didn't do the trick by the time it took to administer this drug (1 hour) they were going to knock me out & take the paddles to me. Fortunately it didn't get to that as my heart rhythm finally returned to normal. So that, plus blood work, chest x-rays and an 8 hour stay in emerg later we were finally home again for some well deserved sleep. They told us to expect a call from a heart specialist to follow up; well three hours later the phone wakes us up, and it's the cardiologist office telling me my appointment is for Friday (today) at 1pm. Now if you know anything about the Canadian health care system you expect wait times, so we were very surprised that I got in so quickly. They did a stress test (which showed normal) and an echo cardiogram, which I won't get the results back till next week. I swear I saw a baby's head on the ultrasound monitor... If I did, the technician said, I was in really big trouble.
So lots of excitement this week. Too much if you ask me! But I learned I have to take care of my heart, and I don't just mean the daily aspirin I have to take for life now. I have to trust God with everything that went on. I have to trust that God will provide a child for us, whether it's this girl or not. I have to trust that God will take care of my health and that this heart thing won't screw up our becoming parents. It was tempting to tell God, as I was laying in emerg, that once again He was "screwing" with my life. What if I become sick and they won't let us adopt because my health is failing? It all boils down to one simple question: Do I believe God is good, and has our best intentions for us? But I resolved to trust that Father knows what He's doing, and that He'll take care of things. Maybe the afib was a test, I don't know. The doctors don't seem to know what caused my heart to go haywire either. But God does, and He works all things for the good of those who love Him. As far as He's concerned these are all matters of the heart, and in the end that's all He's after.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
My dear child
Last Thursday we heard from our placement worker that she has a lead on a potential match for us. This Monday we're meeting with her to get some more information, but from what we know so far it sounds promising. We don't know if this is the one or not, but it's hard to not get excited over the possibility that our wait could soon be over. For some time I've been thinking about writing a letter to our as-yet adopted child - something he/she can read down the road - that expresses our thoughts and feelings about waiting to become parents. Now seems to be as good a time as ever.
My dear child,
We haven't met yet, but your Mom & I have been anxious to meet you. I read somewhere that an adopted child is someone who isn't born from a mother's womb but rather her heart. Well, you were conceived in our hearts and we're waiting for the day when we can call you our child. We don't know your name; we don't know if you're a girl or boy or how old you are. We don't know what kind of history you have, although it's probably a history full of hurt. We won't pretend to know what it's like to be in your shoes, but we do know the hurt of not having someone to call us Mom and Dad. But adopting you is not about us becoming parents, but rather giving you a home and a family to call your own. I think though that having our own hurts helps us to understand that you also hurt and long to have someone call you their child.
Do you know how excited we are to meet you some day? We have a bedroom all set up just for you. There's a school and a playground across the street from where we live, and a park close by too. We have a fooseball table in the basement and a Wii we can play on, so there's lots of fun stuff we can do together as a family. Your Mom & I talk about the things we would like to do with you, but we don't know what you like and don't like so you'll have to tell us what you do for fun. Our neighbors, friends and family always ask if we've heard when you'll be coming to us. They have kids of their own and maybe you'll become friends with them. You'll have cousins who are school aged kids, grown-up cousins and lots of uncles and aunts too. Many people are waiting for you to come to us and will be happy to meet you. I can tell you right now that you will be surrounded by people who will love you. There is a new life here, waiting just for you!
As your future Dad I want to say sorry in advance for all the mistakes I will make as I help you become an adult. To say that no one's perfect is an understatement, and seems to be an excuse we grownups make for making mistakes. I will make mistakes but I don't mean to hurt you. Many people have told me though that I'd make a great father. I may turn out to be a great father, but I'm more interested about showing you the Father than being a great father. Who is the Father? The Father is the one who made all things, including you. He does not make mistakes, and while people make mistakes no one is a mistake, because all things come from Him. He is the perfect expression of goodness, love and justice. He knew you before you were born and He knows you long for a family. He puts the lonely in families and is a Father to the fatherless. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
How do I know this? I know this because He lives inside of me. The Spirit of the Father lives in everyone who knows Him. He gave us a book called The Bible so that we could read about Him. He also works in the everyday lives of people and shows us His word is true in real and practical ways. He sent his only Son to show us the way to Him, because we all have lost our way. We were all born separated from the Father, and He so wants to adopt us as His children. Just as your Mom and I anxiously wait for the day to adopt you, so too does the Father wait to adopt you as His child. Your Mom & I call Him our Father, and we pray that one day you will call Him Father too. But it may not be easy for you to call Him Father because of the mistakes your Dad makes. We see Him the way we see our dads down here on Earth; so if we had good dads it's easier to see the Father as good. But if our dads let us down enough times it can get hard to see The Father as kind and loving. I want to show you who He is, and that's why I'm saying my sorries now. And believe me, I will also say my sorries later on.
So until we finally meet your Mom & I will keep praying for you. We pray that The Father will guide you to us soon and help us be the Mom & Dad you need us to be. We pray that you will grow to be the best that you can be and that you live out your dreams. We believe in you and are so proud of you, even though we haven't met yet. And until we do we will have to be patient, knowing that The Father watches over all of us and is working on bringing us all together.
Love,
Mom & Dad
My dear child,
We haven't met yet, but your Mom & I have been anxious to meet you. I read somewhere that an adopted child is someone who isn't born from a mother's womb but rather her heart. Well, you were conceived in our hearts and we're waiting for the day when we can call you our child. We don't know your name; we don't know if you're a girl or boy or how old you are. We don't know what kind of history you have, although it's probably a history full of hurt. We won't pretend to know what it's like to be in your shoes, but we do know the hurt of not having someone to call us Mom and Dad. But adopting you is not about us becoming parents, but rather giving you a home and a family to call your own. I think though that having our own hurts helps us to understand that you also hurt and long to have someone call you their child.
Do you know how excited we are to meet you some day? We have a bedroom all set up just for you. There's a school and a playground across the street from where we live, and a park close by too. We have a fooseball table in the basement and a Wii we can play on, so there's lots of fun stuff we can do together as a family. Your Mom & I talk about the things we would like to do with you, but we don't know what you like and don't like so you'll have to tell us what you do for fun. Our neighbors, friends and family always ask if we've heard when you'll be coming to us. They have kids of their own and maybe you'll become friends with them. You'll have cousins who are school aged kids, grown-up cousins and lots of uncles and aunts too. Many people are waiting for you to come to us and will be happy to meet you. I can tell you right now that you will be surrounded by people who will love you. There is a new life here, waiting just for you!
As your future Dad I want to say sorry in advance for all the mistakes I will make as I help you become an adult. To say that no one's perfect is an understatement, and seems to be an excuse we grownups make for making mistakes. I will make mistakes but I don't mean to hurt you. Many people have told me though that I'd make a great father. I may turn out to be a great father, but I'm more interested about showing you the Father than being a great father. Who is the Father? The Father is the one who made all things, including you. He does not make mistakes, and while people make mistakes no one is a mistake, because all things come from Him. He is the perfect expression of goodness, love and justice. He knew you before you were born and He knows you long for a family. He puts the lonely in families and is a Father to the fatherless. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
How do I know this? I know this because He lives inside of me. The Spirit of the Father lives in everyone who knows Him. He gave us a book called The Bible so that we could read about Him. He also works in the everyday lives of people and shows us His word is true in real and practical ways. He sent his only Son to show us the way to Him, because we all have lost our way. We were all born separated from the Father, and He so wants to adopt us as His children. Just as your Mom and I anxiously wait for the day to adopt you, so too does the Father wait to adopt you as His child. Your Mom & I call Him our Father, and we pray that one day you will call Him Father too. But it may not be easy for you to call Him Father because of the mistakes your Dad makes. We see Him the way we see our dads down here on Earth; so if we had good dads it's easier to see the Father as good. But if our dads let us down enough times it can get hard to see The Father as kind and loving. I want to show you who He is, and that's why I'm saying my sorries now. And believe me, I will also say my sorries later on.
So until we finally meet your Mom & I will keep praying for you. We pray that The Father will guide you to us soon and help us be the Mom & Dad you need us to be. We pray that you will grow to be the best that you can be and that you live out your dreams. We believe in you and are so proud of you, even though we haven't met yet. And until we do we will have to be patient, knowing that The Father watches over all of us and is working on bringing us all together.
Love,
Mom & Dad
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