She's 10 years old and wants earings...

Well, we're in the home stretch. Today we met with Jessica's foster-mom over lunch, along with our adoption workers, to talk about what home & school life is like. It was a good meeting with lots of questions and discussion. We talked about things like home routine, behaviors & consequences, friends, activities, how well she expresses her thoughts, feelings and wishes, etc. Speaking of wishes, Jessica has made an adoption wish list - things she would like to get and do when she's with her forever family. Check this out:

1. Ears pierced
2. Figure Skating
3. Camping
4. Siblings
5. Christianity! (Catholic preferred)
6. Swimming

With the exception of siblings there doesn't seem to be much of a problem here. However I have to confess that one thing stuck out for me, and that was the ears pierced. My first reaction was something like, forget it! Now I realize that I sound old fashioned here, as I am well aware that girls are getting their ears pierced at a younger (and younger) age. So when I went back to work this afternoon and mentioned my hang-up with the ear thing I got the razzing of my life! It was all in good fun, but I was keenly aware that my views were in the minority. Even Emery, who is our oldest driver at well over 70, said it's ok nowadays. The only person who agreed with me was a client who's non-verbal, and nods at everything you say. Oh well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

The list also mentions her likes and dislikes. Under the "likes" column she put down crafts, sewing, baking, swimming, 'girly things' - hair do's, etc and pretty dresses. It sounds like we're getting a "girly-girl", but apparently there's a bit of a tom-boy in her too. Dale thought that Jessica would bond well with Jenelle and Rayleen, as they're both in their young adulthood but not too much older, so they can all do the girl-thing together. And Angel is into crafts & baking herself, so I think the two of them will have some fun times together. But there was one thing on her dislike list, and that was - wait for it - mustard! I thought to myself, "If that's the only dislike she's got then we're going to be fine!" Of course there are other issues besides mustard we'll have to contend with, but that's a pretty easy one to deal with.

So now all the meetings are done, and we have 72 hours before we are allowed to "lock in" our final answer. This is so that we have time to think things over and make a logical decision. Well last weekend we went to Jasper to take in the sights and think about things based on what we already knew. Coming up with a reason why we shouldn't adopt Jessica was like trying to come up with the answer to an exam question that for the life of you you can't find. And nothing came up in this meeting that changed that. We were picked out of a total of 11 families and were told that our strengths outweighed the other 10 combined. We have a strong support network and are willing to work with the supports Jessica already has in place. I could go on and on about all the rational reasons, but there's a heart one that honestly outweighs them all:

Simply put, we have fallen in love with a child we haven't even met yet. And, unless if something comes up that brings everything to a grinding halt, we will meet with her next week - for the very first time.

Turbulence

Have you ever embarked on a journey that didn't have some bumps on the road? Well life, as we travel down the adoption road, has gotten very eventful - and that's a mild way of putting it. When you take a life altering event like adoption and throw in a bunch of other stuff that seems to happen all at once, life is no longer boring. And believe me, we could use a little boredom right now. But let me start with the latest adoption update: we had meetings yesterday with a couple of professionals who work with Jessica, which were quite productive. We gained some more insight into the life of this remarkable little girl and we learned a few strategies on how to help Jessica deal with her stuff. We also learned that her mom & step-dad have given up any legal right to access, with the exception of a couple of letters sent through the adoption registry. The adoption registry is like a post office where you send letters to the birth family, and they to you. The letters are vetted so that any identifying information (mainly one's whereabouts) are kept private. So basically this means that aside from birthday and Christmas cards there will be no contact with her birth family, which considering Jessica's history is best for her. But once she's 18 she can search them out if that's her choice.

Ok, so what else has been going on with us lately? Lots of stuff! The mayhem started over a month ago when we had to put one of our cats to sleep, which was just before we started the process of having Jessica placed with us. It's never easy for a pet owner to make that decision, but Spiffy was old and really sick and we didn't want him to suffer anymore. We will miss our old man kitty cat... Then of course there was the thing with my heart. Now since that time I've had another test, where I wore a heart monitor for 24 hours last week. The thought that I was developing a heart problem, just as we were about to start a family, could not have come at a worse time. It could have potentially derailed the whole process as Children's Services will not place anyone with a parent with a serious medical condition. But it's looking like everything's fine now, as I learned that my echo-cardiogram came back ok (and no, I'm not pregnant either). As well if I didn't hear anything this week about the heart monitor results then it means that no news is good news. However, as a precaution my family doctor says I can't have any caffeine anymore. That was a blow let me tell you! No more coffee? Coke? It's the end of the world as I know it. You may as well put a gun to my head & pull the trigger! Well ok, it's not that bad, but I'll keep that in mind as I cut down on my double-doubles as Tim Horton's.

Then a few weeks ago we received a letter from our condo board, stating that they want Angel's honorarium, which she was paid for service on last year's board, returned. We suspect this has more to do with the bad blood between the people on this year's board and the board Angel served on, as the by-laws they are using to justify this action are pretty vague. So for now we're getting some legal advice and, if we are in the wrong, will have to pay back the $325 Angel received 10 months ago. Add that to the car repair bill we recently paid, plus a big vet bill for our other cat, who had to go to the animal hospital last weekend because he had a blockage, and it amount to a sizable chunk of change. In spite of our financial situation we're still going to Jasper next weekend; we considered canceling our trip but in the end felt it was important to go as they recommend it as part of the adoption process. But wait, it gets better! Angel, who has been slated for surgery, got a call yesterday saying that she was supposed to come into the hospital for the procedure next week! Needless to say this was not acceptable, as it involves a 6 week recovery for her that we were expecting would happen while she was on parental leave. Thankfully they were able to reschedule it for some time after December, after Angel phoned the hospital back and explained our situation.

Another big event that takes place today is that we are saying goodbye to someone who is close to us, who is going away and won't be back until the spring. I'm not at liberty to say who he is or where he's going for reasons of safety and privacy. But suffice to say he will be missed, and we will be praying for him and looking forward to his return. So in a nutshell we are, as Angel like to put it, experiencing turbulence. As someone said when we told our story to our our mid-week home group, we don't know how to do anything quietly these days. But we know that we aren't alone as we face these challenges. We are so blessed by the people who support us; our family, our friends, our church, and even all you blog and facebook creepers out there who read this stuff. Even though we face a lot of different losses we also look forward to what we will gain. This morning as I was spending time in prayer and the Word I had a sense that God was restoring the wasted years, the "years that the locusts had eaten" (Joel 2:24-26). This applied not only to us adopting an older child, but also to Jessica, who for years has never known what it's like to live in a stable home.

In spite of all the circumstances and the ever changing emotions we experience (excitement, fear, anticipation, depression and joy) we are pushing forward. We may be tested and even attacked by the evil one, but we know that God is greater than all these things. I can't wait to look back on all this and see how God has brought us through it all.

And I can't wait to meet Jessica.

Dreaming and falling in love

I was hoping to sleep in a little this morning, before the big day of housecleaning ahead of me. Instead I was awakened by a dream, and a nice one at that. I was dreaming about Jessica. Not much to tell; I was walking around the house carrying her in my arms, all snuggled up, or she would follow me around like a lost little puppy as I was doing stuff. Now I know that reality may look something quite different, but it may also not be too far off base. I have to keep my head on straight as we're still in the make-up-your-mind phase of the process. But I can't help myself though - I'm completely sold on being this little girl's father. The more we learn the more both Angel & I feel that Jessica is the one. And we learned a lot about Jessica yesterday as we met with Jessica's adoption worker. It was a four hour meeting packed with tons of information about Jessica's history, as well as planning the next meetings with the various parties involved. This even includes meeting Jessica's birth mom, who will need her mind put at ease about the complete strangers who will be adopting her daughter.

After our meeting Sharon, Angel & I went to Tim Horton's for some badly needed lunch (we didn't get out of the meeting til after 1pm) and to debrief from the avalanche of information. Over bowls of chili we talked about how we were feeling about everything, and I said to Sharon that she had pegged me right. I was referring to the comment Sharon made at one point during the meeting, where she looked at the expression on my face as we were absorbing all we were learning. "You're already falling in love, aren't you?" The sheepish look on my face generated laughter around the table, and all I could say was, "It's too late! It's too late!" I was, of course, referring to the advice we were constantly given - use your head, not your heart. But honestly I don't think even the workers involved are following their own advice. As Angel observed as we were driving home, they can see the witting on the wall too. Everyone knows where this is going.

And when this will all end, if we make the decision to adopt, is indeed going to be a lot sooner than we imagined. Over the next four weeks we'll be attending meetings and then we'll go away to Jasper for the weekend to mull everything over. Once we make a final decision, assuming it will be a yes, the dating process begins. This will happen, we are told, over a 4-5 week period prior to placement. This means, in Sharon's words, that we may get to play Santa Clause this Christmas. If, for whatever reason, the placement is delayed past the middle of December Jessica will not be moved until the new year. This goes back to the idea of the seamless placement, where placements do not occur around the holidays. This is to ensure that Christmas is not associated with upheaval in the child's mind. And for Jessica this is especially important as she has had a few unhappy Christmases.

I'm amazed at the range of emotions I feel about all of this. Last night when I went to bed I was feeling fearful about the whole thing, but this morning as I write this post I feel excitement and anticipation. As I said to Angel yesterday I'm ready to leave behind that part of our lives where it was just the two of us, and that's been 18 years in the making. There was a time where I though that I couldn't make the adjustment to parenthood, simply because I was so used to us being a couple with no responsibilities to tie us at home. But I'm in a different frame of mind now, and my focus is on getting ready for parenthood. There are things that need to get done beforehand, things that were causing us some amount of stress. We've just finished renovating our kitchen, and it has that great IKEA look to it, but the place is a shambles. Hence, the big clean-up today. In addition I have my final course to wrap up before my graduation date in December; doing that while attending all those meetings will be a challenge, but it's more of an issue of how I use my time as opposed to having enough.

To be sure, time is the issue here. As Bob Dylan sang, "The times they are a changing" and that is so true for Angel and me. How we spend our time over the next 8 weeks will be life changing, not just for two people but for three. It's a time of hope, fear and anticipation. It's a time of dreaming, and falling in love. I know Hendrick, use your head and not your heart. But I can't help myself here...