It's hard to believe, but we are counting down the last seven days until we become full time parents. I think back to the beginning of this month, and how the scared little girl we first met has come out of her shell. It was quite evident this weekend how far Jess has come, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Last Saturday Jess came for an all-day visit here. I was working a 12 hour shift that day, so it was a mother-daughter bonding experience for Angel & Jess. They baked cookies, did some window shopping, watched a movie and Jess played on the Wii by herself. Angel was a little apprehensive about spending a whole day with just Jessica, but overall things went well. On Sunday we both arrived at the foster-home to pick up Jess for church, and we had things planned a bit better than last week. We timed it so that we arrived 1/2 hour late, which by then first music set was done and announcements were being made before Sunday school dismissal.
Jess asked if I could come down with her, and I got to see first hand how well she took to open session and her class. She was interactive and looked comfortable, but we didn't push our luck so as soon as Sunday school was done we were right out the door. "Don't look so happy," someone said with a knowing grin on his face as we were on our way. Thankfully people are still understanding of Jess' situation and are mindful to give us our space. However one lady said to us as we were outside, "So when do you get to show her off to the whole church?" While we appreciated the excitement and anticipation behind the question we said it would still be a while yet before we would start making introductions. Jess said afterward that she felt a lot better than she did the prior Sunday, but for now we'll continue to come late until she's comfortable with Calvary. After lunch we went swimming, which was another big hit for our little miss, and then back to the foster-home after supper.
This past week was the start of Jess' home-visits, where we would pick her up after school, take her to our place for supper, homework and some fun stuff before going back for the night. It was a real drag to have to take her back to Brigitte's, but the visits were building up towards the first sleep-over on Friday. During the week we saw some encouraging signs that Jess was finally starting to warm to us. On Wednesday we went to her parent-teacher-student interviews, where Jess excitedly introduced us to her friends as her new adoptive parents. But it was in the car on the way back to the foster-home where she started to share some of her fond memories of her birth mom, of songs she would sing and stories she would read. As we listened to Jess the significance of the moment was not lost on us: she trusted us enough to be open with us, even just a little. The sharing continued on Thursday, where she talked a little about her step-dad as well as what she thought it takes to be a good parent. Out of that conversation came some not-so plesant memories from her, and again it was not lost on us that she was being vulnerable.
Finally, the big day arrived - the Friday night sleep-over. I picked her up from school and then we went to get Angel from work. While we waited Jess shared with me some of her memories from past foster-homes, and some more stuff about her step-dad. After Angel finished work it was back to our place for some home-made pizza and a movie night. "Grease" was the movie Jess chose (a film I would normally not expose a 10 year old to), but during the movie she shared with us how this was a family favorite she would watch with her birth-mom and step-dad, and I realized she was making a connection with her past as she was adjusting to life with us. Thankfully she found the kissing and other stuff gross...
The next day we woke up and had breakfast as a family, and then we all put up the Christmas tree. As Angel & Jess decorated I snapped a few pictures; too bad I didn't think of that earlier as Jessica bounced around and played air-guitar to Relient K's version of the Twelve Days of Christmas! Afterward we hit a few stores for some Christmas shopping, bought Jess a new winter coat & boots and then we went back home again. That afternoon we sat down together and we came up with a list of house rules and consequences we all agreed on, as well as writing out what it takes to be a good parent. By involving Jess in this process we wanted to give her a sense of empowerment while at the same time establishing our roles and responsibilities as her new mom & dad. Then after homework, supper, a family devotional time and playing some Wii it was time to go back to the foster-home. We didn't want to take her back and she didn't want to go, but knowing that we have one week to go before move-in gives us all something to look forward to.
Oh, and one more sign that she's warming to us - when we said goodbye we didn't even have to ask for a hug. She just lifted her arms and walked right to us :)
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Half way to placement
We're about half way now through the "dating" or pre-placement process, and in two weeks we have managed to carve out some semblance of a relationship with our beautiful little girl. However, it hasn't been without some setbacks. On Monday we phoned Jess but she refused to take our call. We found out that the wonderful weekend we had with her sent her on an emotional and behavioral tailspin. This was still evident to us when we picked her up on Tuesday for an outing. Jess was sullen and quiet; from what we did get out of her we found that she doesn't trust us, she's overwhelmed and doesn't know if we're "the real deal." The plan was to go to the library so Jess could do her homework, go out for supper and then take her back. But once we got to the library Jess refused to do her homework and wanted to return to the foster home. We took the "authoritative" approach to parenting and she did part of her homework and then headed back to the car.
But we weren't quite ready yet to head back. Recognizing this was an opportunity to speak into her life, we shared some of our thoughts with her. "We know this is hard for you; you don't trust us and that's ok because we have to earn it. We know you've been acting out, but we want you to know that it doesn't change the fact that we want you to be our daughter. We choose to be your parents. You probably don't feel the same way, but we want you to know that we love you very much. We loved before we even met you and nothing will change that." Jess didn't say a word, but she did give a little nod, and with that we drove back to the foster-home. But Jess still had homework, and we weren't about to let her off the hook. So, after a bite to eat she sat at the table and finished the rest of her math questions. In spite of being the big bad parents here we knew there was a part of her that was still drawn to us. Jess could have stayed in her room after she finished, but instead she came to the top of the stairs when she heard we were leaving. "Remember," we said, "nothing that happened here tonight changes the way we feel about you." And again, we got a little nod from her.
Wednesday afternoon: we arrive at Jess' school to meet her teacher, introduce ourselves to the school administration, and arrange to start picking up Jess after school. Our visit went much better that day; we hit the playground while there was still light out, grabbed supper at Subway and then off to the library for round two of homework. This time she got her work done before we took her back. Perhaps there was some emotional momentum happening here, knowing that Thursday was a really big day: Jess would get to see her new home for the very first time.
This morning, after a consultation with one of Jess' doctors it was off to our place. Both parents and child felt both nervous and excited at the same time! The first thing Jess wants to see was her room, and the big smile on her face just said it all. As she explored the rest of our home the phrase, "Wow, you have a (whatever)!" was used by her more than once. Clearly she was thrilled to see what will, for her, be the last home she will ever have to move into. It was such a good feeling doing the family thing this afternoon: Dad made his little girl a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch; she did some homework and the two of us played on the Wii while Mom made supper. After our first home cooked meal (pasta & meat balls) together as a family it was off to her final swim lesson and back to the foster home. Angel is such a great tutor; as I watched my beautiful wife and daughter sit together doing math questions I thought about how far we've come in two weeks.
We know we have a long way to go yet, but it still feels good to see how Jess smiles at us.
But we weren't quite ready yet to head back. Recognizing this was an opportunity to speak into her life, we shared some of our thoughts with her. "We know this is hard for you; you don't trust us and that's ok because we have to earn it. We know you've been acting out, but we want you to know that it doesn't change the fact that we want you to be our daughter. We choose to be your parents. You probably don't feel the same way, but we want you to know that we love you very much. We loved before we even met you and nothing will change that." Jess didn't say a word, but she did give a little nod, and with that we drove back to the foster-home. But Jess still had homework, and we weren't about to let her off the hook. So, after a bite to eat she sat at the table and finished the rest of her math questions. In spite of being the big bad parents here we knew there was a part of her that was still drawn to us. Jess could have stayed in her room after she finished, but instead she came to the top of the stairs when she heard we were leaving. "Remember," we said, "nothing that happened here tonight changes the way we feel about you." And again, we got a little nod from her.
Wednesday afternoon: we arrive at Jess' school to meet her teacher, introduce ourselves to the school administration, and arrange to start picking up Jess after school. Our visit went much better that day; we hit the playground while there was still light out, grabbed supper at Subway and then off to the library for round two of homework. This time she got her work done before we took her back. Perhaps there was some emotional momentum happening here, knowing that Thursday was a really big day: Jess would get to see her new home for the very first time.
This morning, after a consultation with one of Jess' doctors it was off to our place. Both parents and child felt both nervous and excited at the same time! The first thing Jess wants to see was her room, and the big smile on her face just said it all. As she explored the rest of our home the phrase, "Wow, you have a (whatever)!" was used by her more than once. Clearly she was thrilled to see what will, for her, be the last home she will ever have to move into. It was such a good feeling doing the family thing this afternoon: Dad made his little girl a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch; she did some homework and the two of us played on the Wii while Mom made supper. After our first home cooked meal (pasta & meat balls) together as a family it was off to her final swim lesson and back to the foster home. Angel is such a great tutor; as I watched my beautiful wife and daughter sit together doing math questions I thought about how far we've come in two weeks.
We know we have a long way to go yet, but it still feels good to see how Jess smiles at us.
Monday, November 16, 2009
It ended with a hug
Looking back at the past week I'm amazed at the progress we've made with Jessica. It's still baby steps but those steps are getting bigger and more frequent. Our visit last Tuesday went well; Jess was a little guarded but the interaction was good, thanks again to the boys. We talked about our weekend plans and even did a little arm wrestling. Jess went and got some paper & pencil crayons, and sat on the kitchen floor with one of her foster-sisters. While they stenciled Angel & I sat down on the floor too, not far from where Jess sat, and played cards. We chatted back & forth, doing our own thing, before Jess decided to go out and play. We were the ones who prompted her to dress warmly, and out the door she went. After about 15 minutes of chatting with Brigitte & Dale we suddenly remembered that Jess had homework! So I went out & called Jess in, and once again she's on the kitchen floor doing math questions. Angel helped her with homework before it was time for her bedtime routine. Before we left we told her we would call the next day, see her on Thursday and call on Friday. She asks us, "You're not coming over Friday?"
It's Thursday afternoon, and Jess is playing street hockey with the boys. She greets us enthusiastically and whacks me with her long scarf. However things are still on her terms, as she won't let me return the favor. We all have a quick supper of soup & grilled cheese sandwiches before heading out the door for Jess' swim lesson. Jess rides with us as we follow Brigitte and Dale in her car. The atmosphere is a little tense, as this is the first time Jess has ever been alone with us. We talk about our Saturday plans for West Edmonton Mall to pass the time and calm the nerves, but as soon as we arrive Jess bolts from the car and makes a bee line for Brigitte. Angel & I exchange a look, and then head inside. We make our way onto the pool deck, find a seat, and shortly afterwards Jess comes out of the change room all wet from her shower. This is good for her and bad for me, as she decides to spray me with her wet hands... She jumps in the water with her class mates and looks at us occasionally. We smile at her and she smiles back. "Wanna see me do back-flips?" And with that she's underwater, showing off her skills to us. The car ride back is much more relaxed, and there's no running for the door when we arrive back at the foster-home. As we all sat at the kitchen table Angel & I feel like some more of those baby steps were taken. Maybe she's starting to like us...
Saturday morning - the day of the big outing. We wonder what space Jess will be in, as she didn't want to come to the phone when we called the night before. When we arrive we find Jess a little apprehensive, as she had to give Brigitte more than one good-bye hug. But we come prepared with an ice-breaker; knowing she likes Grease and Michael Jackson, we brought a CD of each to play. "Thriller" was just what the doctor ordered here, and we arrive at WEM all ready for adventure. Our first stop was the candy store, where Angel spent a bit more money on Jess than she realized; the cost of jelly-beans, it turns out, adds up really fast... Next stop was Galaxyland, where we all did the "Swing of the Century" ride. Jess went on the bumper cars and then the two of us went on the roller coaster; thankfully we did this before and not after lunch. We went back into Galaxyland afterwards to play some games; unfortunately I was having so much fun I didn't realize that I had misplaced my digital camera, with photos of our outing on it. I made the best of it, as I didn't care about the camera so much as the pictures on them. Then, after checking out the "Twilight" stars who came to the mall, some window shopping, a show at the Sea Lions Rock and a tour of the Sea Caverns it was time for supper and then back home. Jess was disappointed that it was time to go! We saw the progress made through the day, where Jess felt comfortable bugging both of us and telling us about her likes. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Yesterday morning we arrive to pick up Jess for church. Today it's a quick goodbye hug for Brigitte and we're out the door. We hit Tim Horton's for donuts first, as we're earlier than we thought, then we arrive just before the service starts. Last Sunday we announced that we would bring Jess with us to church, and asked everyone to play it cool so as not to overwhelm her. In spite of people giving us our space the experience is still a bit much for her, and after 1/2 hour she asks us if we can leave. Once we do Jess becomes more lively, which tells us she was anxious since we first picked her up. We head to South Edmonton Common and browsed in Wal Mart, where "Dad" became Jess' hero. Just what did I do? Nothing much, I just happened to spy the last set of Jonas Brothers bed sheets. Oh, did I mention Jess is nuts about the Jonas Brothers? After purchase of said sheets we hit Chucky Cheese's for lunch and more games. Dale joins us there and is encouraged by the progress we've made. After browsing Michael's crafts and a trip to IKEA to buy some things for Jess's room we have supper and a quick browse through Future Shop before heading back. We leave feeling exhausted from the weekend, but also feeling good about how far we've come. We learned a lot about Jess (like not to give her too much sugar!) and even though our conversations were light for the most part, we did talk a little about how she felt about things like her church experience that morning. But the icing on the cake was when we asked to give her a goodbye hug, and she said yes.
It was a nice hug too :)
It's Thursday afternoon, and Jess is playing street hockey with the boys. She greets us enthusiastically and whacks me with her long scarf. However things are still on her terms, as she won't let me return the favor. We all have a quick supper of soup & grilled cheese sandwiches before heading out the door for Jess' swim lesson. Jess rides with us as we follow Brigitte and Dale in her car. The atmosphere is a little tense, as this is the first time Jess has ever been alone with us. We talk about our Saturday plans for West Edmonton Mall to pass the time and calm the nerves, but as soon as we arrive Jess bolts from the car and makes a bee line for Brigitte. Angel & I exchange a look, and then head inside. We make our way onto the pool deck, find a seat, and shortly afterwards Jess comes out of the change room all wet from her shower. This is good for her and bad for me, as she decides to spray me with her wet hands... She jumps in the water with her class mates and looks at us occasionally. We smile at her and she smiles back. "Wanna see me do back-flips?" And with that she's underwater, showing off her skills to us. The car ride back is much more relaxed, and there's no running for the door when we arrive back at the foster-home. As we all sat at the kitchen table Angel & I feel like some more of those baby steps were taken. Maybe she's starting to like us...
Saturday morning - the day of the big outing. We wonder what space Jess will be in, as she didn't want to come to the phone when we called the night before. When we arrive we find Jess a little apprehensive, as she had to give Brigitte more than one good-bye hug. But we come prepared with an ice-breaker; knowing she likes Grease and Michael Jackson, we brought a CD of each to play. "Thriller" was just what the doctor ordered here, and we arrive at WEM all ready for adventure. Our first stop was the candy store, where Angel spent a bit more money on Jess than she realized; the cost of jelly-beans, it turns out, adds up really fast... Next stop was Galaxyland, where we all did the "Swing of the Century" ride. Jess went on the bumper cars and then the two of us went on the roller coaster; thankfully we did this before and not after lunch. We went back into Galaxyland afterwards to play some games; unfortunately I was having so much fun I didn't realize that I had misplaced my digital camera, with photos of our outing on it. I made the best of it, as I didn't care about the camera so much as the pictures on them. Then, after checking out the "Twilight" stars who came to the mall, some window shopping, a show at the Sea Lions Rock and a tour of the Sea Caverns it was time for supper and then back home. Jess was disappointed that it was time to go! We saw the progress made through the day, where Jess felt comfortable bugging both of us and telling us about her likes. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Yesterday morning we arrive to pick up Jess for church. Today it's a quick goodbye hug for Brigitte and we're out the door. We hit Tim Horton's for donuts first, as we're earlier than we thought, then we arrive just before the service starts. Last Sunday we announced that we would bring Jess with us to church, and asked everyone to play it cool so as not to overwhelm her. In spite of people giving us our space the experience is still a bit much for her, and after 1/2 hour she asks us if we can leave. Once we do Jess becomes more lively, which tells us she was anxious since we first picked her up. We head to South Edmonton Common and browsed in Wal Mart, where "Dad" became Jess' hero. Just what did I do? Nothing much, I just happened to spy the last set of Jonas Brothers bed sheets. Oh, did I mention Jess is nuts about the Jonas Brothers? After purchase of said sheets we hit Chucky Cheese's for lunch and more games. Dale joins us there and is encouraged by the progress we've made. After browsing Michael's crafts and a trip to IKEA to buy some things for Jess's room we have supper and a quick browse through Future Shop before heading back. We leave feeling exhausted from the weekend, but also feeling good about how far we've come. We learned a lot about Jess (like not to give her too much sugar!) and even though our conversations were light for the most part, we did talk a little about how she felt about things like her church experience that morning. But the icing on the cake was when we asked to give her a goodbye hug, and she said yes.
It was a nice hug too :)
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Baby steps
It's a warm Thursday afternoon as we walk up to the door of a large home. Ringing the bell sets off a chorus of dog barks, and we are let in by the foster-mom. Dale is in the entry way to greet us too, but our eyes are caught by a small girl standing at the top of the stairs. She smiles and waves at us, and I look hard at her. She looks quite different than her picture, but it was apparent that this little miss was none other than Jessica. Her smile and wave put us at ease, and we chat a little before presenting her with a couple of small gifts. She is just beautiful. "How are you feeling about all this?" I asked. "A little weird" was her reply. "Me too" I said, and with that Jessica went off to play with nerf-guns with her foster-brothers. The adults are sitting in the dining room having coffee, and eventually I hit on an idea. "Hey, you guys got an extra gun?" And before I know it I'm in a wild firefight with the kids. It was a good ice-breaker, where Jess felt comfortable poking me with a toy gun and giving me some of her Halloween candy. But otherwise her response to us was guarded; no hugs (which is healthy at this point), we were never called mom/dad or even by name, and I was introduced by Jess to one of her foster-brothers as her new foster dad, then she corrects herself. At this point I realize that we are, in her mind, just the latest in a long line of parental figures that have come and gone.
Day two. Jess is sitting on the front lawn and greets us by name before shooting us with a nerf gun. We have a good chat and I showed her some pics of our cat sleeping on her bed, which she awed over. She quite likes the stuffed cat we gave her, but has yet to settle on a name for it. Once again she's off to play with her foster-siblings before supper. At the table Jess sits between me and Angel, and the interaction with the foster-boys makes things fun. At one point even Jess and I got into a little poking and ticking match. Up to now things seem to be unfolding well, but little do we realize that things will soon go south. After supper Jess goes downstairs to watch TV, and eventually Angel & I joined her. After a half an hour we notice that Jess is shutting down; she's curled up in the corner of the futon and now she doesn't like to be tickled. We were just about to get up & give Jess her space when Dale came to check on us. Seeing what's happening, she asks for a moment alone with Jess. Five minutes later Dale comes up and informs us that Jess is in panic mode. Adults are the enemy we are told, and we leave for home feeling like we took two steps forward and three backward.
Day three. Jess is all smiles when we arrive, and the scared little girl we left the night before is nowhere to be seen. We make some small talk and ask if she's feeling better than when we left her. She says she is, but that fearful look on her face last night is still burned in my memory. Today we got to supervise her Saturday chores & routine: teeth brushed, hair combed, bedroom and bathroom cleaned and homework done. As with the first two days she is bouncy and wired, and needs simple instructions to keep her focused. Angel & I take turns making sure she's on task, and while Jess cleans the bathroom she tells me what she learned about chemicals in school. Then, after everything's finished she retreats once again. While she's going through her Ipod in her room we grownups are chatting in the kitchen. Well, everyone except me. My stomach, which has been feeling sick all week, feels like it took a sucker-punch. Finally I ask Dale, "You've seen a lot of placements happen; how do you think this one will play out?" She wisely avoids answering the question, as she can't make any predictions. We're taking baby steps she says, and then asks how we're doing. One of Dale's roles is to encourage us, and she does a good job at it.
Lunch is served, and once again Jess sits between us. This time there's not much lively interaction, and she finishes her food quickly before dashing off to play again. But there were signs of her warming to us again. At one point in the afternoon Jess comes & sits on the couch beside Angel and stands beside me in place of her foster-brother, who wisely refused my invitation to get close so I could rough-house with him. Our visit ends with a trip out to the park where we all played a game of "Grounders", a version of tag played on the playground equipment, and whoever is it has to keep their eyes closed. It was a fun way to finish our day with Jess, and yet when we left there again was that look of fear on her face. But those baby steps Dale talked about were taken, as today Jess called us by name but referenced us to others as mom & dad . Like yesterday and the day before, we leave physically and emotionally exhausted. It's much harder to connect with this little one than we thought, but in spite of the difficulty we're determined to press on - at Jessica's pace.
Day two. Jess is sitting on the front lawn and greets us by name before shooting us with a nerf gun. We have a good chat and I showed her some pics of our cat sleeping on her bed, which she awed over. She quite likes the stuffed cat we gave her, but has yet to settle on a name for it. Once again she's off to play with her foster-siblings before supper. At the table Jess sits between me and Angel, and the interaction with the foster-boys makes things fun. At one point even Jess and I got into a little poking and ticking match. Up to now things seem to be unfolding well, but little do we realize that things will soon go south. After supper Jess goes downstairs to watch TV, and eventually Angel & I joined her. After a half an hour we notice that Jess is shutting down; she's curled up in the corner of the futon and now she doesn't like to be tickled. We were just about to get up & give Jess her space when Dale came to check on us. Seeing what's happening, she asks for a moment alone with Jess. Five minutes later Dale comes up and informs us that Jess is in panic mode. Adults are the enemy we are told, and we leave for home feeling like we took two steps forward and three backward.
Day three. Jess is all smiles when we arrive, and the scared little girl we left the night before is nowhere to be seen. We make some small talk and ask if she's feeling better than when we left her. She says she is, but that fearful look on her face last night is still burned in my memory. Today we got to supervise her Saturday chores & routine: teeth brushed, hair combed, bedroom and bathroom cleaned and homework done. As with the first two days she is bouncy and wired, and needs simple instructions to keep her focused. Angel & I take turns making sure she's on task, and while Jess cleans the bathroom she tells me what she learned about chemicals in school. Then, after everything's finished she retreats once again. While she's going through her Ipod in her room we grownups are chatting in the kitchen. Well, everyone except me. My stomach, which has been feeling sick all week, feels like it took a sucker-punch. Finally I ask Dale, "You've seen a lot of placements happen; how do you think this one will play out?" She wisely avoids answering the question, as she can't make any predictions. We're taking baby steps she says, and then asks how we're doing. One of Dale's roles is to encourage us, and she does a good job at it.
Lunch is served, and once again Jess sits between us. This time there's not much lively interaction, and she finishes her food quickly before dashing off to play again. But there were signs of her warming to us again. At one point in the afternoon Jess comes & sits on the couch beside Angel and stands beside me in place of her foster-brother, who wisely refused my invitation to get close so I could rough-house with him. Our visit ends with a trip out to the park where we all played a game of "Grounders", a version of tag played on the playground equipment, and whoever is it has to keep their eyes closed. It was a fun way to finish our day with Jess, and yet when we left there again was that look of fear on her face. But those baby steps Dale talked about were taken, as today Jess called us by name but referenced us to others as mom & dad . Like yesterday and the day before, we leave physically and emotionally exhausted. It's much harder to connect with this little one than we thought, but in spite of the difficulty we're determined to press on - at Jessica's pace.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Locking in our final answer
Last night a little girl was told she was going to a forever family. This was a day that her new mom and dad, who she hasn't met yet, have waited for months to come. For her the news came with some fear and excitement, but fear mostly. It's a new and scary time in the life of this little girl, and her mom & dad have prayed for the peace of Christ to be with her. When she was told the news her new parents wrote a letter for her to read, and this is what it said:
Dear Jessica,
You don’t know us as we haven’t met before, so we’re writing this letter to introduce ourselves to you. Our names are Hendrick and Angel, and we would love to become your new Mom & Dad. We know that this is very sudden for you, even though we know that you’ve been waiting for what feels like forever for you to be adopted. Dale has told us a lot about you, and we feel like we know you even though we haven’t met. We know this may not sound fair since you don’t know anything about us. So let us tell you a bit about who we are. Both of us are 39 years old (which sounds ancient to a 10 year old!); we are Christians and we’ve been married for 18 years. Hendrick works with handicapped adults and Angel works in an office, but she plans to take time off so she can focus on being mom. Hendrick likes swimming and reading, and is about to graduate from a Bible college. Angel is pretty creative; she does photography, crafting, likes to cook and we both like to sing and go camping.
We have no children of our own and would love to give you a home to call your own. In this home there is a room all set up just for you and we have a cat named Spunky who loves to play and cuddle. There’s a pool close by and a park across the road, with a playground in summer and a big toboggan hill in winter. Lots of kids live in our neighborhood, some your age and some younger, to play with. But if you like to play indoors we have lots of stuff like a foosball table, a Wii and plenty of board games to have fun with. Our family is big but there’s always room for one more, with lots of new cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents who would love to make you a part of their lives. We go to a church with lots of kids. How do you like the idea of going to Sunday school with them? The people in our church are very kind and the idea of you becoming a part of our family makes them feel very happy.
But how do you feel about becoming a part of our family? We know this is a big step for you, and that you probably have a lot of mixed feelings about it. Everything we’ve described may sound so wonderful and strange all at once. You may be excited and scared, happy and sad, all at the same time. But you know what? We feel the same way too! We would love to become your forever family, but we also know that it won’t be easy for you and it might not be easy for us either. We may not be the parents you expected or dreamed about. But we promise you that we will love you no matter what. The fridge will always be full, the bed will always be warm and safe and the hugs and kisses will always be there when you want them. We will do our best to listen to your feelings, give you a shoulder to cry on and help you to become the person you want to be. Most of all our hope and prayer is that you will know how much God loves you and how precious you are in His eyes
We look forward to meeting you finally, and believe us it’s been hard for us to wait. Over the next few weeks we’ll get to know each other better, and your foster-parents and your friend Dale will be there to help us all along the way. And as much as we would like to adopt you as our daughter, we hope you would like to adopt us as your mom and dad. See you soon.
Love,
Hendrick & Angel,
Your new Mom & Dad
We wished that we could have been a couple of flies on the wall to see the reaction for ourselves, but we had to settle for an e-mail from her worker. Here's clip from that e-mail:
Jessica (who prefers to be called "Jess") went through the album with curiosity and looked at each page closely reading who each individual was. She had a smile on her face when she read that she would be a part of choosing the color for her walls and decorating her new room. As was expected Jess has some mixed emotions regarding moving, she indicated that she was scared as she really likes it at her foster-parent's, but still wanted her own family.
The photo album mentioned is one that we were asked to put together for her. In it were pictures of us, our home and our families. This gives the adoptive child an idea of what her new life will be like. Speaking of pictures we have yet to receive any yet, and we're anxiously checking our e-mail for them. I'm sorry to say that once we get them we won't be posting them on my blog, for reasons of privacy. But what we're even more anxious about is meeting Jess on Thursday... for the very first time...
Dear Jessica,
You don’t know us as we haven’t met before, so we’re writing this letter to introduce ourselves to you. Our names are Hendrick and Angel, and we would love to become your new Mom & Dad. We know that this is very sudden for you, even though we know that you’ve been waiting for what feels like forever for you to be adopted. Dale has told us a lot about you, and we feel like we know you even though we haven’t met. We know this may not sound fair since you don’t know anything about us. So let us tell you a bit about who we are. Both of us are 39 years old (which sounds ancient to a 10 year old!); we are Christians and we’ve been married for 18 years. Hendrick works with handicapped adults and Angel works in an office, but she plans to take time off so she can focus on being mom. Hendrick likes swimming and reading, and is about to graduate from a Bible college. Angel is pretty creative; she does photography, crafting, likes to cook and we both like to sing and go camping.
We have no children of our own and would love to give you a home to call your own. In this home there is a room all set up just for you and we have a cat named Spunky who loves to play and cuddle. There’s a pool close by and a park across the road, with a playground in summer and a big toboggan hill in winter. Lots of kids live in our neighborhood, some your age and some younger, to play with. But if you like to play indoors we have lots of stuff like a foosball table, a Wii and plenty of board games to have fun with. Our family is big but there’s always room for one more, with lots of new cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents who would love to make you a part of their lives. We go to a church with lots of kids. How do you like the idea of going to Sunday school with them? The people in our church are very kind and the idea of you becoming a part of our family makes them feel very happy.
But how do you feel about becoming a part of our family? We know this is a big step for you, and that you probably have a lot of mixed feelings about it. Everything we’ve described may sound so wonderful and strange all at once. You may be excited and scared, happy and sad, all at the same time. But you know what? We feel the same way too! We would love to become your forever family, but we also know that it won’t be easy for you and it might not be easy for us either. We may not be the parents you expected or dreamed about. But we promise you that we will love you no matter what. The fridge will always be full, the bed will always be warm and safe and the hugs and kisses will always be there when you want them. We will do our best to listen to your feelings, give you a shoulder to cry on and help you to become the person you want to be. Most of all our hope and prayer is that you will know how much God loves you and how precious you are in His eyes
We look forward to meeting you finally, and believe us it’s been hard for us to wait. Over the next few weeks we’ll get to know each other better, and your foster-parents and your friend Dale will be there to help us all along the way. And as much as we would like to adopt you as our daughter, we hope you would like to adopt us as your mom and dad. See you soon.
Love,
Hendrick & Angel,
Your new Mom & Dad
We wished that we could have been a couple of flies on the wall to see the reaction for ourselves, but we had to settle for an e-mail from her worker. Here's clip from that e-mail:
Jessica (who prefers to be called "Jess") went through the album with curiosity and looked at each page closely reading who each individual was. She had a smile on her face when she read that she would be a part of choosing the color for her walls and decorating her new room. As was expected Jess has some mixed emotions regarding moving, she indicated that she was scared as she really likes it at her foster-parent's, but still wanted her own family.
The photo album mentioned is one that we were asked to put together for her. In it were pictures of us, our home and our families. This gives the adoptive child an idea of what her new life will be like. Speaking of pictures we have yet to receive any yet, and we're anxiously checking our e-mail for them. I'm sorry to say that once we get them we won't be posting them on my blog, for reasons of privacy. But what we're even more anxious about is meeting Jess on Thursday... for the very first time...
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