It's a quiet moment here in the Nicolajsen residence, and I'm glad to take advantage of it to post some of my recent thoughts. It's been a full 10 days into the New Year and life continues to be interesting for us. Angel just got home today from the hospital after having surgery (thanks again to everyone for your calls, e-mails, prayers and meals), and so I'm taking a week off to be Mr. Mom as well as tend to Angel's needs. Jess is back to school and had her first sleep-over since we got her; she spent the night at my cousin's place as his 11 year old had her birthday, and specifically asked if Jess could come. This was really encouraging to see as Jess and her new cousins just met at the New Year's Day gathering my parents put on. Considering that Jess is supposed to have anxiety issues this is remarkable, as was the way she ran around on New Year's Eve chasing boys (and boys chasing her) at our pastor's New Year's gathering at his place. So it seems that Jessica's settling into her new life quite nicely. She's comfortable enough at least to start testing us to see if we really mean it when we say no, and if we still love her when she crosses the line. In spite of the new stresses that instant parenthood brought us we wouldn't trade it (or Jess for that matter) for the world.
But stresses and pressures there are, and it has added to the usual reflection I do at the beginning of every year. I always take time to take stock of the previous year and look ahead to what the new year may bring. Of course I need to look to God for direction in this process, and I already have a sense of what he wants to impart to me this year. The first thing that I sense is God renewing in me a desire to get into His Word - the Bible. After years of academic study I now have more time to read whatever I want, and I just feel the need to get back to basic scripture. I'm not saying that my studies was a waste of time, but rather I need to build on what I already learned. And since I have no more directed studies that just leaves me with the Bible. This is fitting since I'm gearing up to get back into preaching at Calvary again. I've already received a schedule and some notes from previous meetings, and I've been putting some thought and prayer into what I should speak on when the time comes.
The second thing I sense from God is His peace in the middle of the pressures of our new life as parents. I know, you parents out there are nodding your head in agreement and maybe wondering what the big deal is. Parenthood and pressure go hand in hand. Honestly I don't have a frame of reference to compare our pressure with others' as our situation is different. I suspect that going from 18 years of couplehood to being parents of a 10 year old overnight may put us in a special category. In a lot of ways we are still establishing our relationship with Jessica, and that hasn't been easy. But I suspect we go through much the same as any other parents do, like dealing with behavioral and financial issues. The financial part is especially a big challenge for us. We do get support payments from the province for Jess, and we're waiting for the federal child tax credit to kick in; but with my work wage frozen this year and Angel being on employment insurance for parental leave we're actually making several hundred dollars less per month than before. With expenses up and revenue down I really need to start thinking about another job.
The pressure is there, as I don't relish the thought of leaving a job I thoroughly enjoy and venture into the unknown of something that pays better but I may hate doing. I may not be able to find anything to begin with, considering the economic situation these days. But somehow I know things will be ok. Last week in our church home-group we were studying Philippians 4:4-9, which is about being joyful, thankful and prayerful in all circumstances. When we do this and keep our minds focused on what is good, and if we put into practice a life of faith, we will have a peace that's beyond understanding. And as we shared our needs with the group and brought them before God in prayer we knew that we were going to be ok. It's a strange mixture, feeling both peace and pressure at the same time. The pressure comes from making the choice to become parents, and it's a choice we don't regret. Adopting Jess was good for both her and for us, and because it is good we know that God, who is good, will take care of us.
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