The change

I've been asked how life has changed for me and Angel since we got Jess, and figured it would make a good topic for my latest blog post. I have to say that in some ways life has changed a lot for us and in other ways it's stayed the same. What surprises me the most is how well we've adjusted to life as newly minted parents. Before we adopted I had imagined that the change would be as profound as when we were first married 19 years ago (19 years yesterday to be exact), since it was the only frame of reference I had. Back when we were in our (very) early 20s we still had some growing up to do, and we had never lived on our own before, let alone together. So it was huge for us, figuring out not only how to be husband and wife but having responsibilities like paying rent, bills and our own groceries. But almost two decades later we've grown and matured and I think that has really helped us adjust as well as we have to being a family as opposed to just a couple.

I think the biggest thing that has changed for us is how we spend our time. Jess consumes a lot of it! Not that we mind a whole lot. Both parents and child are soaking up the experience of becoming a family. All Jess wanted was to be in a home and have parents and know that she would never have to move again, something she had been deprived of. Angel and I have been deprived of the joy of being parents, so it's quite convenient for all parties involved. It's almost as if we're all trying to make up for the time we felt we've lost. This displaces time spent doing other things and while we do have some spare time still it's not nearly as much as there was before. I wasn't much of a big TV watcher to begin with and now I watch less; and one can tell from my blog that there's more time between posts and less time journaling. Thankfully my studies are all done, as I didn't want to be a student and a Dad at the same time. Looking back I'm glad I had the foresight to knuckle down and get it done before we got Jess. It's also a challenge to do sermons, as I'm finding that I don't get my first draft done until a few days before I preach (it used to be that I would have it done the week before so that I'd have plenty of time to make revisions). One thing I really miss is spending time with friends. I used to go out for coffee from time to time with my guy friends but now that's going more by the wayside. It's something I need to correct, because my friends are important and I need them in my life.

Another thing that has changed is our expenses. We definitely had more disposable income before parenthood! Some expense haven't changed though; having a third person in the house doesn't make your mortgage payments go up, it doesn't cost any more to heat your home, insure your car, watch TV, go on the net or make phone calls. We do pay more for water, gasoline, food and clothing though. And that can be a challenge, since Angel is on parental leave. She does get employment insurance benefits from the government but that only covers 2/3 of her previous income, and even with the child tax credit and the income support for adoption we're bringing in a little less than what we were earning as dual income earners. And once Angel goes back to work in the fall she wants "mommy hours" so we won't have that income we had before. Still, like anyone else, we make things work. Last fall we refinanced our mortgage and this year we used our tax return to pay out what we owed on our car. That made a big difference having our debt servicing and insurance costs go down. Still, it hasn't been easy. This month is the first one since we got Jess that we haven't had to borrow money from our line of credit to make ends meet, which was stressful. But the car's paid for, and now we manage to get by. Just barely, but we get by.

I think one more thing that's changed is where we put our energy, both physically and emotionally. We're a bit more active now, as we hit the pool twice a week and now that spring is here we're at the park more often. So far she's gone roller-blading and bike riding, and last weekend she helped me fly my kite. It's important for her to have an outlet for all of her energy, so we have enrolled in swim lessons and she goes folk dancing every Saturday. Being busy has at times taken a toll on us emotionally, as well as when we're dealing with her "stuff". But what charges our batteries is the love that she shows us and watching her grow as a person. It's been over four months since we've got her, five now since we first met her, and we can see the change in her. She's happier overall, more settled and becoming more open with us. She's still got a long way to go, but she's also come a long way too. Ultimately we want to see her reach her full potential, just like any other parent, but more importantly I want her to know that she has a Father in heaven who will never abandon her (and never did in the first place). If the change in our lives can bring change in hers then it's all worth it - the time, the resources, the energy and the prayer we put into this young life.

And years from now, after Angel and I are long dead and gone and Jess is old and gray, I hope she will see how our adopting her changed her life for the better.