Detour

Recently I wrote about how we're in the final stretch of our adoption journey. We meet with our placement worker to discuss how things are going; she asks us questions about how our lives have changed, our marriage, how we divide up the parenting responsibilities, etc. We have a great system going, where Angel & I do tag-team parenting. For example I get Jess up in the morning and get her breakfast, and while she's eating I'm in the shower while Angel makes sure she's dressed and ready to go. In the evening Angel gets Jess going with her bath and then I read with Jess before bed. It's those little routines that give the child the structure they need - stuff that social workers like to see in a home where adoptive kids are placed.

Our worker is very generous with the encouragement she's given us. So much so that we're a bit embarrassed about it. In the beginning our workers were wondering if we were the real deal, because we were so ideal in their minds about what they look for in parents. And when you're told that they wish they could clone you that adds to the sense that they think highly of you. Of course we just don't see ourselves as "super-parents" - after all, we're just plain old Hendrick & Angel. So you could imagine our surprise and disappointment when we got a phone call yesterday, telling us the adoption process is being delayed by two months. Apparently our worker feels that we need some more support than we have now; so in a few weeks a parenting coach is coming to visit us, observe and help us with some strategies that will help us be more effective parents.

We have a lot of mixed feelings about this little detour on our adoption journey. On the one hand we are open to any and all supports we can get. We're new parents and we won't pretend that we're experts on how to raise kids. We trust our worker and like her a lot, and we think the feeling is mutual. She has lots of experience with these things and we're sure it wasn't a decision that was made lightly. On the other hand the suddenness of this development has caught us off guard; now we're wondering if we really are the "great" parents we were made out to be. There were suspicions on our side too, that maybe every adoptive family is praised to the skies just to build their shaky confidences up. This has made us second guess how we've been parenting Jess up until now. Are we not being firm enough? Are we doing too much for her? Visions of Jo Frost come to mind, where a British nanny comes into a home to straighten out bratty kids and inept parents...

None of us in our home are happy with this latest development. Angel just wanted to cry when I told her the news (I did too), and Jess was disappointed to hear that there was a delay in the process. She needs closure, and frankly so do we. Getting that adoption order would give us that permanent sense of family; having all our names on the new birth certificate would cement the bond we have developed as parents and child. We feel that Jess has been through enough already, so we're questioning the wisdom of this decision. But I suppose that another two months isn't going to make a difference in the long run. It could end up being the best birthday present Jess ever got; in August she'll get a permanent, legal Mom & Dad for her 11th year. Unless of course there's some other unforeseen snag. I guess that's another thing that bothers us, that it's created a sense of insecurity. My worst fear is that someone will decide that we don't get to be Jess' forever family. I know in my head that the possibility of that is next to zero, but still the feeling is there. All we can do is play ball with Children's Services, and trust God with our family.

After all, He is the one who brought us together. And I don't think He'll simply pull the rug out from under us.

Update, Wednesday April 28: We e-mailed our concerns to our worker yesterday, and she phoned back today and talked with Angel. Our concerns were acknowledged and now the delay is now only weeks instead of months. We're still getting a parenting coach but now she will only observe and give us feedback, as opposed to being hands on with us/Jess. This is a big relief for us! Thank you all for your support on Facebook, and for your love and prayers. And thank you Jesus for seeing us through what's now become just a small bump in the road instead of a major detour.