Writer's block

I have writer's block. I have no idea what to blog about. Usually I'm able to spit out a couple of posts a month at least but the past couple of months have been a struggle. Part of the problem is the lack of time and energy I have now that I'm a Dad to a 10 year old. Oh I have lots of material to write about concerning her, but much of it is personal for her so it just wouldn't be right to share with everyone on the web about it. The only thing I can say is that we're working through issues, but thankfully there's a lot of good stuff that comes with the territory. Jess is our world right now, and it's a world full of activity, energy, emotion and attention giving. It's safe to say that we are pouring a lot of who we are into Jess, and she just soaks it up like a sponge. We are so blessed that we aren't the only ones adding to her life. Our extended family has readily embraced Jessica, especially my younger brother's six year old son. Halden just adores Jess; after their very first visit back in December Halden wouldn't let anyone sit in the chair that Jess sat in (apparently the seat was hallowed by her) and no one could touch the jelly beans that she put on the Ginger bread house they made together. How he remembered which ones she touched is beyond me...

But anyhow, back to my writer's block. I still don't know what to write about; I could write about Jess's involvement at church. That's another place where she gets a lot of attention. The girl that we brought to Calvary for the first time back in November, who asked if we could leave after 20 minutes because it was overwhelming for her, now does some overwhelming herself. I'm referring to the group of boys that she hangs around, chases around, pushes around... you get the picture. Jess is very rough and tumble with these boys, and I've had to prompt her to be gentle more than once. After all, you never know if one of them will become her husband when they all grow up... But I'm getting ahead of myself by about 40 years here. The other day I mentioned something to the effect that she wouldn't be getting married anytime soon, and mentioned a similar time table. "What?!" she says to her Daddy, "You won't let me get married til I'm 50?" The logic was completely lost on her. The way I see it I'll be retired and won't have the money to spring for a wedding anyways. And besides, I'm learning that a father is, by nature, very protective of his daughter. Any boy who will have the guts to try and get past me first will have his work cut out for him. It's only natural that I'll be in my 80s when she gets married; I just won't have it in me anymore to scare off any potential suitors.

But anyhow, back to my writer's block. I just don't know what I should post. Even if I did I just don't have the time. If I'm not busy being a Dad I'm busy with church stuff. I did my first sermon two weeks ago and I have another one coming up this Sunday, but not at Calvary. No, I'm actually speaking at my parent's church of all places - Ansgar Danish Lutheran Church. I know, I know, you're wondering how on earth did that happen. Honestly I'm asking that myself. The last place that I ever thought I would be delivering a sermon was the church of my childhood. It feels surreal to say the least. And yet I have a message all prepared for Palm Sunday. I've been getting to know my parent's new pastor, Carl-Gustav Christensen (or Gus as he likes to call himself). He's a bit different than the other Danish pastors the church has had over the years (I should explain that the Danish church is the State church, and that they send pastors overseas to congregations, like my parent's church in Edmonton, to serve the Danish community). In some ways Gus strikes me as quite evangelical, which is not the norm in the Danish church. Although they call themselves the "Evangelical" Lutheran Church of Denmark they are, practically, quite the opposite.

Anyhow, Gus and I had been "talking shop" and discussing the differences between church in North America verses Europe, why I left the Danish Church when I was younger, etc. when at the end of our conversation he surprised (and shocked) me when he requested I do a sermon at Ansgar. Whether it was for the sake of fostering mutual understanding, an attempt to entice me to return to my roots or inject some fresh blood into a congregation that's in its sunset years I don't know. But it's an opportunity I recognize that's rare, so I agreed to the request. Jess asked me if I have to wear the black robe and big white collar that Gus wore when we took her to my parent's church for their Christmas service (the answer thankfully is no!). But I do get to pick out the hymns and even lead in some of the liturgy. The only thing I am not permitted to do is distribute the elements for communion and give the benediction. It's funny how some of the Catholic traditions have survived in Protestant churches, especially in the one that started the whole reformation in the first place. Oh well. At least I don't have to wear the big white collar.

But again, back to my writer's block. I just don't know what to blog about... Any suggestions?

The Reader's Digest version

Wow, I've been so bogged down with stuff that I haven't really had time to blog; aside from being a newly minted dad I've had to (secretly) plan for Angel's 40th birthday party - thanks again to everyone who showed up - and prepare my first sermon in almost two years. My sermon last Sunday went well; no rotten tomatoes thrown at me and everyone stayed awake. Got some good feedback, so I'm glad that all my hard work paid off and touched some people's lives. But now that things have slowed a bit I have time for a post; problem is I wasn't sure what I was going to write about... til someone I've reconnected with recently wanted the lowdown on how our adoption went. So Christine, this is for you and everyone else who wants the Reader's Digest version of how Angel & I became parents. I hope you and everyone else will enjoy it.

For the past few years Angel & I had been talking about revisiting the adoption thing, as we had gone down that road 10 years before but it wasn't a good experience for us. We finally put in an application in October 2008; little did we know how our lives were going to change in the span of 12 months! So much had changed since we last applied to adopt; while we felt like we were left to fend for ourselves 10 years earlier, this time we had support every step along the way. There was always someone along the journey, a worker who was there for us to answer our questions or just to see how we were doing. All the paperwork was taken care of for us, with the exception of getting our references done. In January 2009 we enrolled in the Adoption Orientation Training, which was probably the most grueling part of the process. Eight classes in four weeks, and every time class was over a black cloud just hung over my head. So much information, and so much of it was disturbing, about the needs and issues of children in foster care. The feeling I had was, "What am I getting myself into?" For Angel it wasn't so bad but still it put a lot of pressure on us. Fortunately the very last class ended on a more hopeful note, which helped ease some of our anxiety.

In March we had our home assessment done, where a worker comes and checks out your living space and, more importantly, assesses what kind of a person you are. There were several meetings with lots of grueling questions, but in the end our worker felt that we were suitable candidates and recommended us to be approved as adoptive parents. It wasn't until May however that we got a letter saying we had been officially approved (effective the month before). Waiting for any news about being approved was tough but we were ecstatic that it finally came through. Getting an offer of furniture the very next day, without mentioning any of our needs, told us that God's blessing was on the process. From then on we were assigned a placement worker; her name is Sharon and she is such a delightful lady to work with. She came to our place and we fine tuned our profile (every adoptive parent fills out a profile of what needs they feel they're able to meet in an adoptive child) and from there the matching process began. By now it was June; we had rearranged our home to make room for a child, and all we could do was wait. In the meantime we enjoyed our summer holidays and I worked on finishing my studies with Prairie Bible College. By August we were, in our minds, settling in for a long wait as we knew the matching process could take years. Little did we know our lives would be turned upside down in a month...

September 2009. Sharon comes to our home with a file containing some basic information on a 10 year old girl who, in her words, feels like a good match. When Sharon came to us that night we felt in our hearts that this was the one - this little girl whose name was Jessica. It wasn't rational to think it was, with only minimal information, but we felt it was a "God thing." With the possibility, if all things went well, of a placement happening by Christmas, the pressure was on to make a decision and tie up the loose ends of our lives (like school and kitchen renos). But before we could seriously consider moving forward with this specific child we had to be approved by a committee of case workers. On the evening of September 25, 2009, Sharon came to our home to deliver the news - we got the green light to move forward with Jessica. The committee approved us unanimously (a rare occurrence we were told) and we were selected over 8 other families. From here we went on to meet Dale, Jess' placement worker, along with other professionals who worked with Jessica. Only after this were we allowed to make a formal decision. It was a no-brainer, and everyone knew what our answer was going to be all along. The more we learned about Jessica, the more we wanted to be her Mom & Dad. On Monday, November 2, 2009 we informed Sharon that we wanted to adopt Jessica.

November 5, 2009. We meet Jessica for the first time. She looks nothing like her photo, which we weren't allowed to see until we "locked in our final answer" - she's even more beautiful that the picture we have of her. The meeting was the start of a month long pre-placement process, which we called the "dating" phase. It was tough. Jess had a lot of mixed feelings about us and about being adopted, and it took time to get through her armor. This was healthy in a way, because if she took to us right away then she would have taken to anyone. But towards the end of November everyone involved was looking forward to move-in day. On Sunday, December 6, 2009, Jess came to stay with us forever. It was the end of an emotional process and the beginning of a new, challenging yet wonder life as a family. It was also the fulfillment of a prophetic word we received in the first year of our marriage, that we would become parents at Christmastime. And over the next three months we have been settling into our new life as a family. There's been a few bumps on the road but so much more blessing. And as I'm sharing an even more condensed version of this story with the people who came to Jess' adoption party last Saturday I see her mouth these words; words which tell you how excited she was to get on with the evening, and how she's got her old man pegged:

"Hurry up, Dad!"