Numbers

Today is my last day of 30-something. Tomorrow I enter that stage in life where I am considered "middle aged." Yes, tomorrow I turn 40. For some turning 40 is a hard thing, and I have to admit that a few years ago I had a real hard time with the aging process. I dreaded getting older; mainly because I felt that my life was less than I thought it should be, but now I am actually looking forward to my 40-something years. There have been a few things that have changed my attitude towards aging. When my friend David James turned 40 two years ago his wife threw him a big party, which made 40 look fun. Ever since then I have looked forward to my 40th birthday party, which my loving wife threw for me last week. It was a blast having my family and friends there, and I thank everyone who was there either in body or spirit. But as I look back on 40 years of simply being alive I realize that I am so blessed, and that has changed my attitude more than anything else. Those blessings break down into simple numbers, some of which I will list off for you now.

40 years of simply being alive.
23 years of following Jesus.
19 years of marriage to Angel.
18 years of belonging to a great church - Calvary Baptist
11 years of preaching sermons at Calvary.
5 years of serving Calvary as an Elder.
2 year Associate of Arts Degree from Prairie Bible College, which took 10 years of distance learning to complete.
4 years of living in our cozy little condo.

These are all things that have special meaning to me, and I could keep rattling off more numbers like 2 loving parents, 3 brothers and their wonderful wives; numerous nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws and many who I am blessed to be counted as a friend to. Here are a couple of numbers that I am especially fond of:

8 months of parenthood to one sweet little girl, who calls me Daddy.

All of these blessings have come from the hand of the one true God, who is the author of everything good that is in this world. I have learned from Him to count my blessings and ignore my failures; to enjoy the relationships and even the accomplishments I have made, poke fun at my aging process and to give Him the glory for it all. Thanks to Jesus I see that my 40s are not the end, but the beginning of even better things ahead. For some reason 40 is a number found in the Bible that is associated with the end of trials and testing, and the beginning of blessing - new and wonderful things that God does in people's lives. If that is true, and I believe it is, then I say bring 40 on. I can't wait to see what it looks like.

(By the way, the picture I posted is not intended to say that I don't want to age past 40 - I plan on living 40 to the max!)

First family camp-out

There are two times of the year that I'm especially fond of - Christmas and summer vacation. It used to be that while on vacation I would think of Christmas, and during Christmas I would think about vacation! Well my thoughts this year were focused very much on the here and now, as this was our first camping trip as a newly minted family. Now I'm not bragging here when I say this, but Angel & I consider ourselves as seasoned, expert "front-woods" campers. None of this sissy trailer/motor home with the satellite dish type of camping. I mean the type of camping with a tent, Coleman stove and sleeping bags that don't leave you quite so warm at 2AM type of camping. Years of experience have equipped us well not only with the right stuff to bring but also a knowledge of some of the best spots around. It was this well of experience that we were eager to share with our daughter, but there was none more eager here that Jess.

Our adventure started by packing our new Dodge Journey with all our camping gear. Now I have to say that in years past when it was just me, Angel & our Pontiac Wave we would fold the seats down and have the car stuffed from floor to ceiling with all our gear. Nothing changed this year. With room in the back for Jess we thought there would also be some wiggle room in that spacious new cross-over of ours. But nothing could have been farther from the truth, as the familiar pillar to post packing experience resulted. Apparently ten year olds don't travel light, but there was an extra that Angel got mad at me for packing, saying that it needlessly took up space - our three man tent. Apparently she felt that packing it was unnecessary what with our having a big six-man tent as well. Little did we both know how handy it would come in later on our trip, but you'll have to read on to find out how...

With our vehicle packed, in-car DVD player loaded and a hearty A&W breakfast sitting heavy in our stomaches we pointed our Journey south and our journey began by heading to Drumheller. Now for those who aren't familiar with Drumheller, Alberta, it is known for its hoodoos and dinosaur finds. It seems that everything in Drumheller has a dinosaur theme to it - restaurants, shops and touristy type places all play up the prehistoric monster theme. Drumheller even boasts the world's largest dinosaur - a towering beast 26 meters (86 feet) tall that has a set of stairs inside taking you to an impressive view of Drumheller from the inside of its mouth. A little tacky, but yes I did make the climb - and for $3 too. But the best thing that was waiting for us in Drumheller was my brother Niels, his wife Janice and their two kids. They were on the tail end (no pun intended) of their vacation and thought it would be great for ours to overlap with theirs. Jess loves hanging with her younger cousins, and it was a great way to kick off our holidays. We took in the Hoodoos, some walking trails and a couple of touristy places as well as the world famous Royal Tyrrell Museum.

Our last night in Drumheller was not quite what we expected, as severe weather blew us (almost literally) out of our camp site. We were forced to bug out and spend the night in a hotel (one of the last rooms available), which Jess didn't mind at all. She said she never stayed in one before, and loved taking advantage of things like the hot tub and a queen sized bed all to herself. Next day, after having a continental breakfast (included in our stay) and a last check of the weather channel, we headed for what we consider the best spot in the province - Waterton Lakes National Park. This is the part where the small tent came in handy. We've learned the hard way that big tents don't fare so well in windy Waterton, so the first night there Jess & Angel slept in the three-man while I slept in the Journey. It was cold and a little wet for them and a bit cramped for me, but we survived. The wind and rain went away and, with the big tent up the next day we set out to take in all that this gem of a park had to offer. The highlight of our stay there was our visit to Red Rock Canyon and the hike to Blakiston Falls, though it was for different reasons. While Angel & I loved the scenery Jess was most impressed by the new friend she made - a squirrel that came right up to her and licked her hand.

Sadly we had to leave Waterton after only two full days, but the trip to Calgary and their rather impressive zoo made for a nice finish to our vacation. We also had time to visit a few friends I went to Bible college with - Janice and Bonnie - and their husbands. Bonnie & her husband Chris are currently on their own adoption journey, and we were happy to answer their questions and share our experiences with them. It all added up to a memorable vacation, this our first family camping trip. For Jess it wasn't just all the sights we visited but simply the time we spent together that made it special. She loved playing games after supper and sleeping together in the same tent. Even when it rained she loved just chilling in the tent with us. Taking Jessica on holidays took me back to my own childhood, and the great memories of camping in the mountains. Looking back on my own memories thrilled me, knowing that we were helping Jess to make her own. And for her the memory making goes on, as we took her to camp right after we got home. While Angel & I get another week of holidays together Jess is at Moose Lake Gospel Camp, where her cousins Jenelle and Rayleen are on staff. It's nice to have that down time after such a busy week of camping. It's so quiet in the house. It's nice.

I wonder how Jess is doing...

Refocusing

Have you ever felt like you were in over your head? Of course you have. We all experience times where we feel overwhelmed. I am no exception. Especially at late. For the past three weeks I've been dealing with the sense that my resources have been overtaken by the needs before me. In fact I didn't even realize I was feeling this way until two weeks ago. It started to build when Angel's employer got back to her about modifying her hours when she goes back to work in the fall. Actually we were hoping it would be in the fall that Angel would go back to work; you see, her date of return is in late August, one week shy of Jess going back to school. The hope was that Angel could put off going back to work for just a bit longer so that someone would be there for Jess. Well, Angel's employer would have none of that. Not only was she expected to return to her job on August 23 but she also wasn't getting the "mommy hours" she was hoping for. So after a bit of negotiation I managed to have my hours at work modified so that someone (namely me) would be there for Jess when she goes to school and when she comes home. After that we felt like we dodged a bullet, having felt a lot of stress over who would look after our daughter during the school year.

Next we sat down and crunched the numbers, looking at what Angel's earnings would be minus the reduction in my hours, and found we had about $120 more to work with a month. Great! Hey, we said, why not look at getting that new car we've been thinking of? The "car" I refer to is actually a SUV/Minivan crossover - a Dodge Journey. We looked into buying one back in February, but the time just wasn't right then. We felt we needed a bigger vehicle as our Pontiac Wave is a little small for when the three of us are going places, especially out of town. Our trip to Kananaskis definitely proved that. So, with a combination of using some savings, reorganizing our budget and using the proceeds of the sale of our Wave, we figured we could make the plunge. And we did. We now own a 2009 Journey. It's a good family vehicle and it will definitely be good for when we go camping. The seats in the back fold down, creating ample room for our tent, sleeping bags, gear, you name it. Also it's a lot more comfortable to ride in; road trips in the Wave were fun but cramped for two people to sit for hours on the road (not to mention it would be impossible for us to have our stuff and Jess in the car). So, instead of borrowing my parent's van we can now enjoy our holidays in our new car.

The joy of getting a new set of wheels for me however was short lived. It didn't take long for me to realize that we were going through more fuel than I was expecting. You see I had done some homework on the Journey, and found that the base model is just as fuel efficient as our old car. But what I didn't realize that our Journey, having the V6 engine instead of the four cylinder, actually consumes roughly 25-30% more fuel. This doesn't sit well with me as I'm somewhat eco-conscientious, but also it affects our monthly budget. We map out our spending very carefully, and we don't have much wiggle room. Now stuck with a car that's sucking the gas money out of our wallets, things are looking even tighter. Suddenly, it seemed, I felt the weight of what it was to be a parent. It wasn't just the money thing, but the money thing just seemed to amplify all the other responsibilities that came with looking after Jess. I was in over my head, or so it felt. So for a while I was (and still do a little) feeling depressed, anxious and wondering what to do. In my head, and in talking with Angel about all this stuff, I knew that we were going to be ok in the long run. But I still felt desperate for a solution.

But then I came to a realization, and this was something that I didn't do on my own. This was something that God had to show me, and that is that I lost my focus. My feelings of insecurity had more to it than just about dollars and cents. I had become so focused on life in this world that I forgot that this world wasn't even my home to begin with. Instead of seeking God's kingdom and His righteousness, believing that God would provide for my needs, I forgot that life was about more than food and clothing (Matthew 6:25-34). Yes, I have to be responsible with the resources God has given me, but I also have to trust God to take care of the things I can't. My job is to be faithful with what God has given me; not just my money, but my talents, gifts, skills and, most importantly, the relationships I have. He will take care of the rest. Already God has given me a measure of peace, along with some tangible blessings. Just yesterday our pastor phoned and wanted to know if the church could sponsor Jess to go to a Bible camp in August. Still, I still struggle with refocusing on God, but I know that God has brought us through tight spots in the past. And there's no reason to think He would stop now.

Besides, God has blessed us with a beautiful child; why would He provide us with a family, in such a miraculous way, only to pull the rug out from under our feet?