Fear and faith

It's funny how God answers prayer. Lately I've been feeling discouraged, wondering where God is in my life and the world. As a follower of Jesus I believe that God isn't pie in the sky, but rather He's involved in the every day affairs of people. But when we see a gap in our beliefs and experiences (psychologists call this Cognitive Dissonance) we live with the tension between what we think and what we see is real. There's a number of things that I feel this tension over, but one of the biggest ones had to do with my wife's job. Angel just wasn't happy at work; people dynamics, feeling under-utilized and unappreciated, lack of communication, all of these things were really getting to her. Ever since Angel returned to work from her parental leave she had been dealing with this stuff, and she had to put up with it before she went on parental leave. All she could do was try and stick it out and do the best she could.

That was up until yesterday. I got a call from Angel, who was on the train en-route home, with some good news & bad news. "Tell me the bad news first," I said. "I got laid off," she said. "The good news is now we don't have worry about Jess' child care during spring break." I stood there with the phone in my hand, feeling a mild sense of shock, and the first thing that went through my head is, "This is an answer to prayer." Not exactly the answer that was expected, mind you. But there was a sense of relief I felt, as Angel had now been released from a position she felt trapped in. When she got home she explained that there just wasn't enough work, but her boss was kind enough to give her five week's severance pay (which we can stretch out to last us til the end of March). By that time, if Angel can't find work, E.I. will kick in. After that things will be difficult financially, but at least the severance pay buys us some time.

It's funny how we both feel about Angel being out of work, but the best way to describe it is a mixture of fear and faith. Are we scared? Yes we are. We've been in tough financial spots before, but never have we had so much at stake as we do now. Years ago we were just renters driving an old car and no kids. This time we have a mortgage, car payments and, most importantly, a daughter to care for. Is she scared? Most definitely. Having come from an impoverished family background Jess keenly feels it when resources are scarce. We reassure her that things will be ok but we just don't know when. This is where the faith part comes in. We have the benefit of experience to look back on when we say that God is a good, loving provider. Back in the early 90s when Angel & I were both out of work I was accepted into a job retraining program, sponsored by the government, where I received an education that got me a job working with adults with disabilities. This was a program I was interested in taking but hadn't the money to enroll in school for.

God provided a home for me, Angel & her mom for us to buy together that was ideal for our living situation (a four-level split, which gave us a sense of separation under one roof). And when the time came when we sold the house it was when the market was hot and we all walked away with enough money for everyone to have a fresh start. And God also provided a home for us in that hot real estate market. And when the time came for her to leave the photo studio for a less stressful job God gave Angel a new job at just the right time - the very one she work at up until yesterday. Those are just a few examples (big ones mind you) of how we've seen God at work to meet our needs. And wouldn't you know it - today, the day after Angel got laid off, she gets her first phone call for a job interview since she started sending out resumes back in the fall. It doesn't mean that she has a job in the bag yet (she doesn't know too much about the position she applied for), but it does give us cause for hope. And if Angel does get work soon that means we can use the severance pay for things like savings, paying off debt, buying Jess that new bike we promised her - you get the picture. We covet your prayers in the meantime, and stay tuned for further updates.

I have a feeling that there's another post coming that'll tell about how God came through for us again - this time as a family.

Update, February 24: Angel has just been offered a job in downtown Edmonton, which she has accepted. It's a marvelous thing that she got so many calls and interviews in the week since she was laid off, and now she starts her new job on Monday. Thank you Father for being such a good provider!